Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by MrDoodleFace
Name: Milan Singh
Joined: Dec 30, 2013
Last Post: Dec 31, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: South Africa
School: SHC

Displayed posts: 4
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MrDoodleFace   
Dec 30, 2013
Undergraduate / I saw myself as a snail riding a leaf which drifted in water; Background/ Identity [4]

Hi Guys. Just as a note, I am a US citizen.

Topic
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Essay
When I was little, I saw myself as a snail riding a leaf which drifted in water. The world was a massive place, and I would sail along not knowing where I was, not knowing what I was supposed to do, but being happy nonetheless. I left my egg while drifting on the River Thames, where reflections of skyscrapers stretched across the waters face, stole space from the sky and the scent of southern London told stories of pubs and poverty. Before I found my shell, it was my parents who sheltered me. They turned the chaos to stone and relieved me of my fears. They guided me safely down the Thames for years, until I came to the mouth of the river and was spat out onto the open ocean. I was awhile adrift on the sea, lost but purposeful with the wind at my naked back. I was guided to Senegal, where a scorching eye stared down at me from the sapphire sky. Dead fish festered, fumigating the unending markets that sprawled along the beaches. I discovered a vivacious new world of people, music and food; and opened myself up to it. However, despite my enthrallment, my leaf was steered back to the open water. I was between homes. But this time when I felt the wind on my naked back, it was cold. It was as if the warmth of my parents had left me. They had gotten divorced. I had no shelter, and so I began to carefully craft my own shell. Into it I worked my many passions, everything from the infallible reality of logic and the escape of fantasy novels, to the memories of my journey, had its place. With aimless precision I had been lead to Kenya; where green fields stretched and stretched and didn't stop stretching, and overcast skies boomed in a circus of light and sound. But all was contaminated by the bitter taste of abandonment and the looming presence of fear. However, no matter how bad it might have felt, the shell I had built for myself provided solace.The next time I was steered out to sea, I was prepared. I said goodbye to Kenya, the host of my shell's creation, and found myself in the bristling big city: Johannesburg, South Africa. It was a place of anonymity ; a place where buying bread did not come with the biography of a shopkeeper. It was perfect. I could tinker and tweak my shell in peace, adding new things and enhancing older ones. From the security of my new shell, I looked back at my life, in England, in Senegal and in Kenya, and learned to appreciate it. I was my own snail then, as I am my own man now. I no longer miss the shelter that my parents provided. The put into my shell have rewarded me with a shield. A shield that gives me the safety to grow and experiment.
MrDoodleFace   
Dec 30, 2013
Undergraduate / "Where are you from?"; Yale and Harvard supp: write about anything. [3]

This is a good and well written essay, well done. I would, however, make the grammatical changes as mclark13 suggests as well as change the first paragraph a bit. I found that it implies that the following content would detail more of your experiences in staying in multiple households. This is primarily because of the opening sentence: "I wish to tell the full story of myself, including my stays.." etc. I would somehow change it to introduce the fact that you stayed in many houses, and have experience with many different cultures and people, without creating the expectation. That is, I would rework the first paragraph to place more emphasis on your diversity of upbringings while not promising to describe them. Please note that this is my opinion, and should be taken with a grain of salt.

PS: Thanks for your help with my essay :)! If you need any more specific help, feel free to reply to this comment.
MrDoodleFace   
Dec 31, 2013
Undergraduate / My school is unique; Tufts essay: "Let your life speak" [2]

Topic: There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood or community-and how it influenced the person you are today. (Required length 200-250 words)

Essay:
My school (Sacred Heart College) is unique. It isn't focused on that which
schools are normally focused on and as a result is often found in the local
newspaper because of some controversy. For example, during apartheid my
school was one of the first multiracial schools in the country, causing it to
be shunned by much of the academic community.

Sacred Heart students aren't the top achievers in South Africa. The school
doesn't churn out archetypal students who get perfect scores in every test,
like many of the top private schools in South Africa do, but rather produces
people who know who they are and what they're good at.
Sacred Heart has allowed me to learn in my own way, and has provided me with
the tools I needed to learn about what I want for my life. When I was junior
high, my friends and I thought it was a great idea to start a school gaming
club. We approached the head of college, and after some persistence, we were
allowed to try, so long as we run it ourselves. So we did that, and ended up
competing at a national level. Mind you, we were utterly demolished, but at
least I could see that this wasn't the path for me because it took the fun
out of the game.
Sacred Heart has shaped my aspirations by removing all obligations and
expectations, and allowing me to explore myself.
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