bash_shell
Dec 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / Some people believe in the traditional idea that the woman's place is in the home...... [3]
This is my first eassy for IELTS preparation to appear to exam in Mar-14. Please help me with your valuable feedback to improve my writing skill.
Question: Some people believe in the traditional idea that the woman's place is in the home, while others say that idea is outdated and that women should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future. What is your opinion?
Essay:
There has been a long standing debate over the importance of woman's role at workplace or home. In my opinion female should not be restricted as a housewife and play an equally important role in workplace.
Orthodox people believe that ladies in the family should better take care of family members, bring up children and maintain household works. This belief is majorly due to the assumption that men are the bread earner of the family. With this, it has been taken for granted that females have not responsibility to earn to support family. On contrast, the broad minded people believe that in modern society, current lifestyle and higher inflation have made it difficult to lead a comfortable life with one source of earning. As another source of income, employment of female partner is vital.
In my opinion, financial independence of female in today's society is very important due to multiple reasons. Firstly, in advanced lifestyle, where divorce rate is surprisingly increasing, couples prefer to live independently. In this scenario, it not only becomes a necessity but mandatory for a single woman to work for her own livelihood. Apart from this, multiple industries in modern world mandate female workforce for certain types of jobs in the field of service, hospitality and nursing. Until women step out of their routine household work and equipped herself with proper education and employment, it would not be possible to build such a workforce.
To conclude, in my personal opinion the men and women have equal ability and opportunities. Modern women should utilize their capabilities and work ability not only to achieve independence but also to contribute in development and advancement of the society.
This is my first eassy for IELTS preparation to appear to exam in Mar-14. Please help me with your valuable feedback to improve my writing skill.
Question: Some people believe in the traditional idea that the woman's place is in the home, while others say that idea is outdated and that women should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future. What is your opinion?
Essay:
There has been a long standing debate over the importance of woman's role at workplace or home. In my opinion female should not be restricted as a housewife and play an equally important role in workplace.
Orthodox people believe that ladies in the family should better take care of family members, bring up children and maintain household works. This belief is majorly due to the assumption that men are the bread earner of the family. With this, it has been taken for granted that females have not responsibility to earn to support family. On contrast, the broad minded people believe that in modern society, current lifestyle and higher inflation have made it difficult to lead a comfortable life with one source of earning. As another source of income, employment of female partner is vital.
In my opinion, financial independence of female in today's society is very important due to multiple reasons. Firstly, in advanced lifestyle, where divorce rate is surprisingly increasing, couples prefer to live independently. In this scenario, it not only becomes a necessity but mandatory for a single woman to work for her own livelihood. Apart from this, multiple industries in modern world mandate female workforce for certain types of jobs in the field of service, hospitality and nursing. Until women step out of their routine household work and equipped herself with proper education and employment, it would not be possible to build such a workforce.
To conclude, in my personal opinion the men and women have equal ability and opportunities. Modern women should utilize their capabilities and work ability not only to achieve independence but also to contribute in development and advancement of the society.