Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Graceyxp15
Name: Xiaopu Yin
Joined: Jan 2, 2014
Last Post: Jan 14, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: China
School: Jinan Foreign Language Scholl

Displayed posts: 5
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Graceyxp15   
Jan 2, 2014
Undergraduate / China inspiration - Emory: My uniqueness and contribution. cultural stuff! [7]

Question:
Undergraduates at Emory and Oxford Colleges are offered countless opportunities to engage with the student body, the faculty, and your academic program of choice-from hands-on research to student organizations to volunteering. What are some of the programs and/or activities you would plan to get involved with on either campus, and what unique qualities will you bring to them? (250 word limit)

I love the way old people burn paper money at the corners of dark alleys so that their lost loved ones would be warm in the winter. So romantic.

I deem Chinese grandmas are the most loving and energetic senior citizens in the world. They dance in squads with pop music, wearing colorful skirts and heels which always make me join them.

These are a small portion of the beauty in my culture that was never so clear to me as I started to docent at Shandong Museum. With the help of thousand-year-old stone tablets, delicate Confucian silk scrolls and numerous curious tourists, I was able to share the roots of the ideology in me with people from all over the world, which I have madly fallen in love in doing so. When walking down my favorite brook with the reflection of chartreuse willows, I feverishly fill my thoughts with the exciting adventure that is spreading my culture, showing off my Chinese yo-yo technique at Lunar Banquet (most willingly sacrificing Valentine's day), or dragging local Georgian folks to my About China lecture series as they return home from the Emory University Hospital.

China is the forever invigorating vision and inspiration of mine that is influencing me in every way she can. I look forward to spread and exchange my stories growing up in Shandong in your diverse student body, as well as being a unique part of bridging east and west at the fascinating, vibrant city that is Atlanta.
Graceyxp15   
Jan 13, 2014
Undergraduate / China inspiration - Emory: My uniqueness and contribution. cultural stuff! [7]

Hi, thanks so much for your review! To be honest, I was a little frustrated when I saw "you didn't anwser the question". I actually believed I did pretty good on this essay. I meant to tell people that I would participate in the club related to Chinese culture and culture exchange because my experiences in a drastically different environment from native American students. Do you think that I need to make my opening sentences more specific? (Well, I think I was being creative.) And did I make a lot of mistakes in my vocabulary and grammar? Because I 've been working on this essay so hard, and I didn't think there would be any mistake left until now.

Please do tell me what you guys think. Thanks for your time!
Graceyxp15   
Jan 14, 2014
Undergraduate / China inspiration - Emory: My uniqueness and contribution. cultural stuff! [7]

grey_form, thanks so much for your review! I indeed was trying to convey my unique perspective of the Chinese society when I was composing the start of this essay. I really needed the encourage from you. Will read your essay and get back to you asap!
Graceyxp15   
Jan 14, 2014
Undergraduate / I grew up in the rural countryside of China; Story central-- A Passion in Biology [5]

Hi, I love the way you related to a personal anecdote that is common but unique in your perception of the idea, and how you grew up to be as passionate about biological sciences as you were a kid. I am applying for biomedical engineering myself, so I can see your passion and motivation toward your dream.

Maybe after the day and night dissemination, few of the seeds of poplar can find a home and sprout, but at least one small catkin from that summer had landed in heart, rooted and grown into a strong admiration, love and commitment.

This sentence is pretty good, I think. I'm especially into this kind of stories.
I think you should add a few sentences about how you worked toward your passion on biology, like participating in lab activities, etc. But you already sound pretty good when you explained the what the concept"live" is to you, so you will be fine if you don'y want to.

And as impatient101 said, you should make modifications to your sentences, maybe have a literature teacher read your essays.
Good luck! Hope you get in your dream school.
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