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Posts by Bm1007
Name: Bianca Miranda
Joined: Feb 12, 2014
Last Post: Feb 13, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America
School: Palm Middle School

Displayed posts: 3
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Bm1007   
Feb 12, 2014
Speeches / My Hero: Carlos Miranda [5]

This is my essay for a speech contest. Please make any corrections. I also need help with the conclusion
(four paragraphs only) THANK YOU! I appreciate it.

On March 10, 2012, a hardworking man had to close his business as a result of financial struggles. This man used his family's savings with the hope that things were going to get better, unfortunately they did not. For the first time in twenty-five years he was unemployed. Not only was he unemployed but, he lost his family's house. Carlos Miranda is my hero because he shows courage and strength through all of his troubles. He has gone through many difficulties and sacrifices and always has a positive attitude and keeps moving forward.

At the age of eighteen, my father left Guatemala in search of a better life for him and his family. My father had to leave his family, friends, culture, and country to make a better life for the Miranda family. Four years later, my father had three jobs; although he was exhausted he needed the money to keep supporting his family. One night on his way to work he fell asleep and crashed into a brand new car. He received a debt of twenty-five thousand dollars. This took him four years to pay off, but he finally completed with his responsibility.

"In our lives we try to avoid difficult things, but I've learned that when I encounter them, not only I face them, I embrace them, at the end they make me stronger," these powerful words are said by my hero. My father teaches me how to have courage and not to give up when things become difficult.
Bm1007   
Feb 13, 2014
Speeches / My Hero: Carlos Miranda [5]

Does this sound better?

On March 10, 2012, a hardworking man had to close his business as a result of financial struggles. This man used his family's savings with the hope that things were going to get better, unfortunately they did not. For the first time in twenty-five years he was unemployed. Not only was he unemployed but, he lost his family's house. This hardworking man is Carlos Miranda, my father. He is my hero because he shows courage and strength through all of his troubles. He has gone through many difficulties and sacrifices and always has a positive attitude and keeps moving forward

I'm not sure on what to say in my conclusion. Any ideas.
THANK YOU!
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