Scholarship / Why I want to attend the Air Force Academy - international admission program [4]

Hello, English is not my first language and I'm from Kazakhstan. Currently I'm a candidate for an appointment into US Air Force Academy's international admission program. I'm sure I made a lot of grammar mistakes. Also, this is the first time I wrote something important. I have been brainstorming for a month now, and this what I came up with yesterday. Any feedback would be much appreciated. Please help, thank you very much for your time :D

1. When did you first become interested in the Air Force Academy and serving in the Air Force? What started your interest? What Air Force career field do you hope to enter? What do you expect to gain from the Air Force Academy experience and how will it help you in your Air Force career? (250 to 300 words, 3000 characters max)

I got seriously interested in military career and lifestyle after watching a presentation held in my hometown about an opportunity to study in one of the US Service Academies by Lieutenant Colonel David Bennett on 26th of September 2011. Before that, I was confused. Although my great-grandfather and grandfather both were in WW2, and my father who served in Soviet Army as a conscript; didn't share much of the experiences that he knows of his father and grandfather, and didn't pass any meaningful knowledge about being in military that could ignite an eager interest in me. And whenever I approached him with thoughts about joining the army, he would always protest and tell me, that it is a bad idea. And after my friends and cousins who served in my country's army as consripts shared their experience, which was mostly negative, I concluded that they didn't have an overall good experience being there, and so I deemed it as a waste of time.

But (or And?) after that presentation and making an acquaintance with Alt. Col David Bennett, I've learned what US Service Academies offer. And what they offer was what I've always desired, building a strong character, moral, mental and physical foundation. But I failed my first opportunity for an appointment. Because I gave in to prejudices and opinions about me being a military of those around me, which hindered my confidence and got me confused again. Which resulted in very poor performance in application process.

Today, It's clear to me. I want to become the strongest version of myself and develop a character that will not possibly break at any given circumstance. And to achieve that, I need an uncomfortable and stressful environment that is constantly challenging. It is very hard to find or create such an environment living as a civilian, with the main obstacle of plentiful distractions of a daily life. I want to truly understand character virtues and embed them into my consciousness. And the only way to learn them, is through practice. It is almost impossible to do so in today's saturated and egotistic society.

And the only source of becoming the strongest version of oneself available to me is becoming a cadet of US Air Force Academy, a place of great honor. I hope to enter a computer science field, and later try myself in biology, neuroscience and robotics. I expect from Air Force Academy to make me a better man, bounded in service to the people.

Writing Feedback / Air Force Academy - Ethical Dilemma essay; The following story was real and not fabricated [2]

Hello :)
English is not my first language, so I need help with this essay. I need sincere evaluation, and grammar check. Also what parts should I modify or remove for essay to e more relevant to the questions. Please help :) Thank you very much for you time :D

The following story was real and not fabricated, all names are real too :)

Describe a setback or ethical dilemma that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happens in the future, how would you react? (400 to 500 words, 3000 characters max)

Back in the summer of 2010, I was working as a waiter in a resort hotel. One evening there was a banquet in the restaurant. And my administrator was unable to manage it himself as he was occupied with another banquet, so he put me in charge of two other waiters and gave me a responsibility to manage and cater the banquet. Everything went well, all guests were satisfied.

We had a rule concerning banquets, whoever was in charge of it, had the right of distributing untouched leftovers among employees. I took fruits and everything else distributed to their tastes, vodkas for cooks, salads for cleaning maids. The remaining approximately 50 grams of caviar and a liter of whiskey I had to divide between the other waiters, Oserkhan and Dauren. I gave caviar to Oserkhan and whiskey to Dauren.

They happened to be the members of two rival gangs and had some history. Oserkhan strongly objected against my decision, even though I gave him caviar because he worked harder than Dauren. He wanted to give whiskey to the leader of his gang. But Dauren wanted to do the same.

They started arguing using explicit language. Then, Dauren grabbed the plate from the table and shattering it on Oserkhan's head. I immediately intervened and broke off their fight and after they settled down I told them to clean up the mess. As we were cleaning the shards from the floor, Oserkhan had provoked Dauren to start the fight again by saying something inaudible to me.

Dauren grabbed the sharp, pizza slice formed shard and tried to stab Oserkhan, he dodged the first two thrusts. I was in panic. As Oserkhan was backing up from Dauren's strikes, he fell down on the floor. And as I was running towards them, Dauren swung back his right arm aiming his thrust at Oserkhan's throat. I was able to grab his arm before it hit its target, thankfully leaving only a scratch as examined later.

As I was pulling Dauren to me from Oserkhan, I pressed my left arm around his neck, twisting it and shouting "Drop the Shard! Drop it!". I didn't realize that I had cut his face from upper lip to upper cheek with shards I gathered from the plate in my left hand. It was a mess.

We got him into a hospital. He promised that he would pay me back, I told him where to find me. So he returned two days after, but instead of revenge he chose gratitude. Thanking me for saving Oserkhan's life and him from jail. Oddly enough, they became friends after that.

For the first time, I felt how actually satisfying it was, saving someone's life, that was the most powerful impact on my consciousness. The most fruitful experience in my life, because events like these in one's life push boundaries of one's previously vacuumed understanding of life. I will never hesitate again to seize the opportunity to save someone, even at the cost of my own life.