Undergraduate / Appeal for admission to NUS Faculty of science chemistry course [NEW]

Hi I am currently writing a appeal letter to NUS to appeal for my rejected chemistry course. Would greatly appreciated if anyone of you could give me some pointers on what to improve for my appeal letters.For your info I have follow the tips given by the other threads about mentioning the specific goals that I had just that I am not sure whether this is acceptable or not.

If I can be admitted to study chemistry under the guidance of the knowledgeable professors in NUS, I will study hard in order to graduate with a first class honors. After graduations, I will equipped with necessary skills to fulfil my missions of improving products safety, effectiveness and purity before the products is sold to consumers/customers. After reading a recent article about toxic chemicals found in Walgreen drugstore products in the US, I personally feel that the solution towards this would be substitute a hazardous chemicals with a less hazardous chemicals in a products (e.g. instead of using coal tar to control itching and scaling, betamethasone cream should be used as coal tar is human carcinogenic).In cases where hazardous chemicals are required for production, reduce of the hazardous chemical content should be considered. I sincerely hope that you can give me the chance to study in NUS and to repay to your institute. Thank you for reconsidering my applications.