Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by oktaHrp
Name: oktavianna
Joined: Jun 3, 2014
Last Post: Oct 8, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Indonesia
School: Bdg

Displayed posts: 4
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
oktaHrp   
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing: Number of phone services in US - line graph essay [3]

Given is the line graph presenting the overall spending on mobiles phone services and land line phone services throughout 2001 and 2010 in United States.

It is clear that expenditure cell phone services gradually increased. Opposite, spending on residential services fall steadily. The year 2006, consumer on mobiles overtook that for residential phones.

A closer look at the data reveals that in the first moment, an average of just over $200 rose quickly on expenditures of mobiles. By contras, consumers of residential services dropped slightly to just under $700. In around half decade, selling on cell phone increased dramatically to just above $450, while the figure of expenditure on land line phone services declined by nearly $200.

In 2006, on both on phone services outlaid the same figure at approximately $500 on each. In over the 10 years period, the average on cell phones had still risen around $750, while the figure on land line services had decreased to just over $400.



  • Picture1.jpg
oktaHrp   
Jun 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - If Police should carry guns or not? [7]

I think you should give example that balanced between body 1 and body 2 . Perhaps, you can make once more example in body 2. I agree with Eddies comment, EXPLAIN and ALTERNATIVE in every bodies are important for give more strong reasons.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳