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Posts by bangvuthe
Name: vu the bang
Joined: Jun 4, 2014
Last Post: Jun 5, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: Viet Nam
School: kdadfa

Displayed posts: 2
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bangvuthe   
Jun 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: I highly recommend authorities to raise the age to leave school to 18 [7]

People have different views about whether people should study until they turn 18 or not. Personally, I totally agree with this idea.

To begin with, the educational policy that does not allow students to leave school until 18 can bring some economic benefits. Firstly, this can help the government combat rising youth unemployment rate. To take the UK, for example, early school leavers often find it difficult to get a job due to their lack of basic knowledge and practical skills needed in the workplace. Fortunately, these skills can be further improved and well-equipped in the school based environment. Secondly, high school compulsory education may contribute to producing high quality and efficient workforce. If there is an increase in the number of applicants in universities, there will be more chances to select and provide training for gifted students.

Lengthening school-leaving age until 18 can play a vital role in developing society in many aspects. One is that students who are less economically favored can have the same chance as their qualified peers to continue their studies. This can be a good indicator of a fair community. Additionally, a noticeable purpose of the classroom environment is to teach young people moral values such as tolerance and sharing. Once the students' personalities are shaped in this way, they can become useful members of society. Also, leaving school at 18 can help reduce juvenile delinquency rates. Lacking appropriate education might make them participate in gangs and commit property or violent crimes.

For the reasons mentioned above, I highly recommend authorities to raise the age to leave school to 18 to foster socioeconomic development.
bangvuthe   
Jun 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: I highly recommend authorities to raise the age to leave school to 18 [7]

Hi, thank so much for your corrections. but, there are some points I can not agree on.
" the question"=> not necessary
combat rising youth unemployment rate, "rising" here is used as an adjective to modify " youth employment rate" . Your suggestion of using " reduce" is correct, but the way I used phrase like "combat rising youth unemployment rate" is not wrong at all :)

+contribute to producing... The word " Producing" in this context is used as a noun-gerund, it is right because there is a structure " contribute to + N, not verb".

+/ " an increase in the number of sth" is a right structure
I follow simon's advice on writing essay, and this is the very first essay of mine. once again, thank you so much, I will correct your essay in return.

p/s: to be honest, I used to expect this essay to get band 8 =))), but 7.5 is not a bad band score for the first essay, right :)))
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