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Posts by FellowWriter
Name: Steven L.
Joined: Jun 26, 2014
Last Post: Jun 26, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: Canada
School: PW

Displayed posts: 2
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FellowWriter   
Jun 26, 2014
Undergraduate / What's your career plan?/ What do you wish to gain from this program? [3]

I am applying to this police department cadet program as a 17 year old. I really want to participate but I think there is competition as there are only 60 spaces!

Can anyone please look over my answers to application questions? grammar, better structures, anything will help! thanks!

1. What's your career plan?

After months of consideration, I have decided to pursue a career in business. I would like to first enter one of the universities in British Columbia after I graduate high school and later major in either finance or accounting. Hopefully I can obtain a position in a respectable company and work my up the corporate ladder. I want to be someone who demonstrates great leadership and responsibility, as well as be the one who genuinely enjoys his career. I have also been greatly considering in choosing the career of a police officer. Being responsible of the general public's safety while emerged in our great community is something that makes me respect the police and dream of hopefully joining them one day. Therefore, I plan to stay active in the community after high school and possibly apply to become a police officer after university if I still have the desire and passion in becoming one.

2. What do you wish to gain from this program?

I wish to gain valuable life skills that will not only come handy in the future, but also help me shape who I am in the present. Through participation in an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I hope to learn the qualities that people value on someone who strives to be a leader of the community. I also wish to closely observe the life of a police officer firsthand and gain more insight that will help me decide my career. I believe that this unique program will build my character through multiple challenges and activities I will face. In the end, I wish to not only gain from this program, but also later give back to the community using the skills I have learned.
FellowWriter   
Jun 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'I like football and music' - ESSAY on my HOBBIES [5]

Do you like football?, if you like football, what is name team your like? And a player you like, name of player your like. If you don't like football, why? Please, explain.

I think, if I stress, I will sing a karaoke with my friend, in living very much stress, sometimes it make your tired. It will make always tired. Sometime I distraction, because I surfing the Internet, access Facebook and youtube. I interest read electronic newspapers because it very much or rich information, and I don't much money buy paper. I always wake up later, that is reason by last night I go to bed at midnight at 3 a.m, I don't remember an hour exactly, but it is in the range that 3-4h a.m.

Follow you, Are they should go to bed late? you can talk when you go to bed.
Final, I'm pause at here. I promise next topic I will write best.
Good bye and see you again next day.

Do you like football? If you do, what's the name of your favourite team? How about the name of a player you like? If you don't like football, do you care to expain why? If I am stressed out, I sing a karaoke with my friend, who is also very much stressed usually. Sometimes it makes us very tired. Actually, it always does. Sometimes, I distract myself by surfing the internet and going on sites such as Youtube and Facebook. I take great interest in reading online newspapers because it contains as much information as paper ones and I can't afford to buy those. I always wake up late, so I naturally fall asleep late too. For example, last night I went to bed around 3 a.m. I don't remember the exact time, but it was around 3 to 4 a.m. ______________________________ (I couldn't understand this sentence!)

I'll stop here. I promise to write my best on the next topic again.
Good by and see you again next day.

I fixed some errors and improved some sentences. Hope I helped.
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