hcr_91
Aug 5, 2014
Undergraduate / I'm just a young woman trying to reach my full potential - UT - Austin Transfer Essay A [2]
First draft, any feedback is appreciated.
Essay:
Looking at my transcript, as an admissions officer might, I see some inconsistencies. I see a young woman capable of taking on challenging course work at times, and at times a young woman whose work fails to meet her potential.
I graduated high school in the top 5% of my class in 2009 and immediately enrolled at [removed].
I attended [removed] for a little over three years. During my time at [removed], I struggled with depression - starting off as mild and progressing to severe. I began to notice it during the spring semester of my sophomore year, although looking back, I think I had struggled with it for much longer. I began canceling my social engagements with friends and spending inordinate amounts of time in my dorm room. Even courses that fascinated me were a struggle to attend.
As a child, my upbringing had taught me to believe that mental illness was a flaw. That a person should learn to manage with it on their own and not be a baby. I held these notions close to me and avoided getting support. This was a mistake. It wasn't a weakness needing to talk to someone, but it was a weakness being afraid to seek help.
When my senior year arrived, I was deep in depression. I became afraid of myself and what I might do. I was constantly anxious. This intense distress was a wake-up call for me. I knew I needed to get help before it was too late. After careful consideration and much deliberation, I chose to withdraw from [removed]in October of 2012. I moved away from school and back home to Houston. For the next few months, I intensively got the counseling I was in dire need of. I learned how to better cope with my stressors and how to recognize my triggers. Learning these things has assured me that I will be able to get help prior to any depression ever spiraling out of my control again.
I have spent the last three and a half years teaching children with learning, behavioral, and social differences, ranging from mild to severe, reading and comprehension. It has been an extremely rewarding job. Teaching, however, is not my passion, science is. Working with these children, along with my personal experience with mental health, has furthered my desire to want to work with children with neurological and psychological disorders in the clinical setting. I would love to get involved with research on campus that ties the biological and psychological aspects of these learning challenges and mental health issues together.
I am happy to say I am now free from the embrace of depression. I know that I can and will succeed. While I do not regret my time at [removed], I want to have a fresh start at a school I will thrive in and in a city that I love. I feel that UT will offer me that environment to flourish in. UT is the top ranked public school in Texas. It is both academically challenging and socially diverse. I know that I am ready to go back to my studies and reach my full potential. I know that I am strong enough to overcome any depression that might come because I am strong enough to get help immediately. I am strong enough to never let it reach the point I previously allowed it.
First draft, any feedback is appreciated.
Essay:
Looking at my transcript, as an admissions officer might, I see some inconsistencies. I see a young woman capable of taking on challenging course work at times, and at times a young woman whose work fails to meet her potential.
I graduated high school in the top 5% of my class in 2009 and immediately enrolled at [removed].
I attended [removed] for a little over three years. During my time at [removed], I struggled with depression - starting off as mild and progressing to severe. I began to notice it during the spring semester of my sophomore year, although looking back, I think I had struggled with it for much longer. I began canceling my social engagements with friends and spending inordinate amounts of time in my dorm room. Even courses that fascinated me were a struggle to attend.
As a child, my upbringing had taught me to believe that mental illness was a flaw. That a person should learn to manage with it on their own and not be a baby. I held these notions close to me and avoided getting support. This was a mistake. It wasn't a weakness needing to talk to someone, but it was a weakness being afraid to seek help.
When my senior year arrived, I was deep in depression. I became afraid of myself and what I might do. I was constantly anxious. This intense distress was a wake-up call for me. I knew I needed to get help before it was too late. After careful consideration and much deliberation, I chose to withdraw from [removed]in October of 2012. I moved away from school and back home to Houston. For the next few months, I intensively got the counseling I was in dire need of. I learned how to better cope with my stressors and how to recognize my triggers. Learning these things has assured me that I will be able to get help prior to any depression ever spiraling out of my control again.
I have spent the last three and a half years teaching children with learning, behavioral, and social differences, ranging from mild to severe, reading and comprehension. It has been an extremely rewarding job. Teaching, however, is not my passion, science is. Working with these children, along with my personal experience with mental health, has furthered my desire to want to work with children with neurological and psychological disorders in the clinical setting. I would love to get involved with research on campus that ties the biological and psychological aspects of these learning challenges and mental health issues together.
I am happy to say I am now free from the embrace of depression. I know that I can and will succeed. While I do not regret my time at [removed], I want to have a fresh start at a school I will thrive in and in a city that I love. I feel that UT will offer me that environment to flourish in. UT is the top ranked public school in Texas. It is both academically challenging and socially diverse. I know that I am ready to go back to my studies and reach my full potential. I know that I am strong enough to overcome any depression that might come because I am strong enough to get help immediately. I am strong enough to never let it reach the point I previously allowed it.