Research Papers / Market Segment and Target Market [5]

I think the target market would be Japan initially and then possibility internationally after it becomes popular. You can talk about the potential customers if the TARGETED market does buy the product.

Writing Feedback / I went to Thailand this summer for a school service trip - Narrative Essay [6]

For the first sentence, instead of directly restating the question, try to change it so that you are answering the question, but not so obvious.

Also you need more descriptions: I want to know more about your trip and you can imply what you learned through telling a more detailed story. I advise you to write to the prompt limit.

Undergraduate / Two short personal statements: one based on diversity, the other based on growth. Which is better? [7]

PICK WHICH ESSAY IS BETTER AND WHY? PERSONAL STATEMENT DUE IN 3 DAYS. HELP :)

TWO DIFFERENT PROMPTS
ESSAY 1:

Prompt: Option 1: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Ring, ring, ring, the telephone piercingly called out.

As I tried to ignore its presence, the rings stubbornly grew louder and louder and continued to seek attention. Submissively, I rubbed my eyes, got out of bed, and walked toward the shrilling sound.

"Hello?" my croaky voice mumbled.

A high-pitched reply excitingly announced, "I GOT INTO THE PROGRAM. I DID IT."

Instantly, my fatigue washed away, eyes widen, and wearily voice grew strident. An indescribable happiness suddenly took over, and I cheered, giggled, and jumped up and down.

"That's great! I'm so proud of you," I ecstatically replied, "I knew you'd pass the placement test."

We spent another half an hour talking about the GATE program and the work attached, but also celebrated some more. When the vivid conversation ended, I plopped back onto my bed, energized. "This is it, Michelle, this is what you love," I told myself.

Chris Wu is not only my very first student, but also the one who helped me realize my love for tutoring.

After discovering the challenges of self-learning with limited resources and successfully becoming my own tutor, I grew passionate and compassionate about helping others learn. Because of my past, I understood how defeated, helpless, and self-degrading it can be, so I begun tutoring kids who were excluded and underprivileged in a normal classroom environment---kids who didn't speak English, who got bullied at school, who weren't motivated. On weekdays, I also volunteered to tutor both peers from lower-level math classes and my freshmen mentees from the Motivating Matador Club.

Five years and six students later, tutoring still fascinates me. It makes me very content and proud because I get to impact someone's life. These kids trust me with their future, and that is no small responsibility. Whenever I tutor my students, I see a part of my past in them, such as the similar moment I experience when I got into GATE. I want to ensure that my kids learn and have the academic support I never received, even from my family. My work isn't about making money, it's about making differences. Unlike most tutors, I also teach these kids how to learn on their own and inspire them to be intrinsically motivated. After all, no one is going to hold their hand forever.

My students have inspired me to be more curious and willing to ask for help. It's okay to not understand something or perform as well as others. I'm no longer afraid to admit to failure because mistakes entail improvements. At the end, it's the determination to work hard and understand that really matters. Tutoring has definitely made me a more collaborative person. With so many students at my high school, competition happens. However, tutoring has helped me abandon this attitude and even encouraged me to help others. I hope to bring my collaborative attitude to wherever I go, especially to competitive colleges. Working and tutoring has taught me to be more appreciative and also marked my transition to adulthood. I am more responsible, help pay the bills, and feel completely independent. Tutoring has taught me life's most important lessons.

OPTION 2: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your background, please describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

"What did you say?" I inquired.

I tilted my head and stared at my "best friend" in disbelief--neither recognizing her nor believing what she'd grumbled.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you; I don't have time; I barely understand this section myself," her tight voice babbled with excuses.

I stopped listening and walked off, still trying to understand what had happened. My "best friend", who had three tutors, diligently took notes in class, and never received anything below an A-, brutally rejected to help me, a C-average student. Had I wronged her? No. Have I ever refused to help her? Certainly, not. Then, what did I do wrong? 7 years later, I finally found my answer: I was a "potential competitor."

I am a tutor--both for myself and for others. When I was younger, I struggled academically due to many drastic changes in my life. I barely knew about college and failed almost all my classes. Unfortunately, it had took 10 years before I realized education's significant. I was afraid I had fallen too behind. However, change was possible. With my limited resources, the library and Internet became my best friends, and my 10-year-old self spent hours endless hours studying and catching up to my peers as the world happily dozed off. Nonetheless, I succeeded, and it was through that journey that developed a sense of fulfillment for learning, but most of all, collaboration.

I'll never forget the day I lost respect for my ex-best friend and certainly not the reason why. Through these negative events, I found my desire to provide others with academic support. I understood how helpless and defeating one can be, especially when resources are restrained or when myopic, competitive classmates or busy teachers refuse to help. So I became a tutor. On weekends, I worked with kids who were excluded underprivileged in a normal classroom environment---kids who didn't speak English, kids who got bullied at school, kids who weren't motivated--and I also volunteered my weekdays to tutoring both peers from lower-level math classes and my freshmen mentees from the Motivating Matador Club.

My tutoring journey has given me an unique quality. Every school have students who keep all their secrets to academic success confidential and selfishly wish fail upon others. I don't blame people for their individualism; after all, it's what society preaches: survival of the fittest. However, I am not one of those people. I'm actually opposite of that. I want success for the greater good. I stand against my large public high school's individualism and self-orientation atmosphere. I want to bring my collaboration and harmony to wherever I go. I hope I can change college's competitive atmospheres by continuing to tutor. Perhaps, I can inspire others as well, and one day my unique view will become common and no longer be considered different. No one should want to see others fails; instead, working and learning and succeeding as a community is much more satisfying. I am a strong competitor but an even stronger collaborator.

Both are about tutoring but they answer different prompts. Can u tell me why you chose which essay? Thanks! :)

Undergraduate / Two short personal statements: one based on diversity, the other based on growth. Which is better? [7]

Thank you so much for all the advice and feedback on my threads :)