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Posts by msi
Joined: Sep 20, 2014
Last Post: Sep 24, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

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msi   
Sep 24, 2014
Undergraduate / 'emulate every aspect of my mother' - UC Personal Statement: the world I come from [6]

Prompt: describe the world you come from- for example, your family, community, or school, and tell us how your world shaped your dreams and aspirations

My response:
I went with my mother everywhere- the market, the post office, work. I was exposed to the world at an early age, and I took things in everywhere we went, observing it all. My family was a tightly circle of Chinese tradition that I found viable comfort in, regardless of how different I looked. A mix of Chinese, Spanish, French, and Latino, I was so many things that I did not look much of anything, but never struggled to identify with the national pride that they bled. They visited from Hong Kong every November, each visit filled with love and celebration. For December through October, my mother was the entirety of my family. My father was absent due to his record for domestic violence, alcoholism, and drug abuse. I watched my mother single handedly raise me, never truly appreciating it until one morning when I found her laying in the kitchen, weeping and shaking uncontrollably. At that time, I had no knowledge of what an anxiety attack was or why she was having one, but I writhed in pain when I felt the blood in her veins running cold.

Before then, I lived in my own six year old world of mildly corrupt marketing tactics, sneaking arbitrary things from around the house and selling them back to my mother for a hefty profit. "Buy low, sell high" was my mantra; I never thought twice about what financial hardship she dealt with as both a single parent and Chinese immigrant, or how she would more often than not skip a meal to be able to afford my nonsense. I was oblivious to the struggles she faced; I saw nothing to impede my endeavors, so I was always driven.

When I found her that morning, I discovered a capacity for empathy within myself. She had exposed me to so many of life's realities, yet to none of her own burdens. She was the only person in my life for eleven months a year, and I was hers. For the first time, I had seen the woman I idolized at her weakest point, beat down by life. I knew then that all she longed to do was set a good example, because she was the only one who could. She did just that, as I saw how much she had hidden behind her facade of security just to ensure my life was to the best she could provide for.
msi   
Sep 24, 2014
Undergraduate / 'emulate every aspect of my mother' - UC Personal Statement: the world I come from [6]

Thank you! I have to keep this under 500 words, which is difficult for me, but I feel like I made a decent minor adjustment for now (an adjustment that will at least remind me to elaborate on it). I will continue to work on this issue until the deadline, but do you have any other suggestions as to how I could make this better? Here is the couple quick adjustments I made-

I spent every waking moment with my mother, home or at work. I was exposed to the world at an early age, and I took things in everywhere we went, observing. My family was a tightly circle of Chinese tradition that I found viable comfort in, regardless of how different I looked. A mix of Chinese, Spanish, French, and Latino, I was so many things that I did not look much of anything, but never struggled to identify with the national pride that they bled. They visited from Hong Kong every November, each visit filled with love and celebration. For December through October, my mother was the entirety of my family; my father was absent due to his record for domestic violence, alcoholism, and drug abuse. I watched my mother single handedly raise me, never truly appreciating it until one morning when I found her laying in the kitchen, weeping and shaking. At that time, I had no knowledge of what an anxiety attack was or why she was having one, but I writhed in pain when I felt the blood in her veins running cold.

Before then, I lived in my own six year old world of mildly premature marketing tactics that I learned by navigating eBay while my mother was working. She jumped office to office, notarizing documents and typing up reports. So after work, I would sneak arbitrary things from around the house and sell them back to my mother for a hefty profit. "Buy low, sell high" was my mantra; I never thought twice about what financial hardship she dealt with as a single parent, or how she would more often than not skip a meal to be able to afford my nonsense. I was oblivious to the struggles she faced; I saw nothing to impede my endeavors, so I was always driven.

When I found her that morning, I discovered a capacity for empathy within myself. She had exposed me to so many of life's realities, yet to none of her own burdens. She was the only person in my life for eleven months a year, and I was hers. For the first time, I had seen the woman I idolized at her weakest point, beat down by life. I knew then that all she longed to do was set a good example, because she was the only one who could. She did just that, as I saw how much she had hidden behind her facade of security to ensure my life was to the best she could provide for.

My mother taught me to appreciate the little joys in life, and to have heart because you never know what someone else is going through. I matured from that point on not because I had to, but because I wanted to- I wanted to emulate every aspect of my mother and I vowed to one day endow her with the same comfort, support, and security that she provided for me, all twelve months a year.
msi   
Sep 24, 2014
Undergraduate / 'emulate every aspect of my mother' - UC Personal Statement: the world I come from [6]

Thank you, I will work on it this weekend. Also, why is it $7 to remove a thread? Just for the sake of people who come on the internet to plagiarize words and ideas alike, I would have thought a site like this where people can get help would have also allowed users to delete posts or at least edit them to make it less personal upon receiving advisement. And how does one come across a coupon code..?
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