Posts by Daltos

Daltos

Oct 2, 2014

Undergraduate / I always questioned everything, I am a very curious boy - Penn State Personal Statement [13]

"I learnt about the polar properties of water and how atoms make up everything around us when I was in grade six."
It may just be my bias but saying "sixth grade" sounds better versus "grade six"

Daltos

Oct 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS-Task2 -Should all the zoos be closed? [6]

Those who support that all zoos should be closed believe that the animals have ~~always~~ been suffereding from mistreat~~ing~~ment .

Last but not least, from ~~those's~~their point of view, zoos exhibit a various of animals with the aim of entertainment and profit.

By contrast, some people believe that the existence of zoos to a large extent will protect the "rarely endangered" (I don't know what your trying to say here) animals by providing them with alternative habitats. Besides, zoos ~~also are~~are also educational , interesting and fun, for scientists, it offers them (e specially , zoologists ~~and~~, ethologist, etc. ) opportunities to research animals and their behaviors. By visiting zoos, children can obtain the knowledge of a various of animals and cultivate the consciousness of animal protection visually when ~~there are~~they are young.

Daltos

Oct 2, 2014

Writing Feedback / "How have you contributed to your school" - HELP, Writer's block [2]

Task - "How have you contributed to your school community. Must be at least one page."

I have a personal philosophy in life: If somebody else can do something that I'm doing, they should do it. And what I want to do is find things that would represent a unique contribution to the world - the contribution that only I, and my portfolio of talents, can make happen. Those are my priorities in life.

-Neil deGrasse Tyson

It wasn't until fourth grade when I signed up to be an altar server that I started contributing to my school community. Before then I was just did what I was need and nothing more. I was bad at sports, still bad at sports, and everything else seemed like just extra work without much of a reward, which left me with a lot of free time. But after a couple weeks of altar serving I realized it wouldn't feel as much of a chore as I thought it would and so I looked for something else that I could join. Later they started asking for people to join choir. I didn't have the greatest of singing voices, but I could sing and that's what mattered. At first it was pretty nerve-wrecking having to sing in front of the whole school but the more I sang the more I got used to it.

Later in sixth grade I joined my school's reading olympics team and from December till May read ten books in preparation for the Olympics. Recently though I've begun campaigning for eighth grade student representative.

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I'm not sure how to keep going or expand on it. This is the essay portion of the Neumann Scholarship program, but I'm just struggling to get through it. Whenever I try to keep going I get anxious and nervous and just stop. I'm actually not sure if I'm even going about this the right war. Is this too informal, or generic, or should I go about this in more list-like fashion and describe each "contribution" as if they were vocabulary words and I just had to write down my correlation with this "contribution". Also as for the quote, my idea was to somehow tie it with my opening, but then I felt like that would come off as if I was a tad vain and self-serving.

Also, they never specified a font, or font size so will Arial 12, at 1.5 spacing be alright?