Undergraduate / Geology is a rich and diverse subject that has a great room for creative thought. UCAS statement [3]

Hi CaptainCook, your essay has appropriate substance but it lacks in presentation. You employ many clichés, such as:

Everyone wakes up in the morning hoping to achieve something in life.
It all started when...
It was a once in a lifetime experience...

Find a more elegant way to word your statements; for example, this:

It all started when I decided to join the school's R&D team as a result of my desire to create and innovate.

could become this:

I became a member of my school's R&D team in the (season) of (year) as a result of my desire to create and innovate.

And this:

I am looking forward to fully expose myself to this exciting and rewarding field of study.

could become this:

I am looking forward to immersing myself in this exciting and rewarding field of study.

Also, Instead of "I got a chance to," write, "I received an opportunity to." Diction choices are crucial to a good essay.

Refrain from using the pronoun "I" too often; that pronoun dominates your essay so try to curb its prominence. There are also minor grammatical errors, such as not capitalizing "Ministry of Education," and there is a lot of redundancy when you constantly state your life goal is to "contribute to society."

Make a few diction and syntax changes, delete unnecessary pieces of information (following Iain Stewart on Twitter), restructure the essay and work on transitions to make it flow better, and your essay should be good. Best of luck.