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Posts by MisakaMikoto
Name: Linus Ho
Joined: Nov 22, 2014
Last Post: Jan 19, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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MisakaMikoto   
Jan 15, 2015
Undergraduate / A Business Venture; With an industrious nature, I have been met with great success - USC Writing [7]

You have way too much fluff for 250 words. Your entire first paragraph basically says nothing and I think the portion about how attending USC will help you realize your dreams is quite unnecessary. Again, you only have 250 words so don't waste it. The key words of the prompt are involved, non-academic pursuit, who you are, and why it is important to you. After reading your essay I still don't have any answers to these specific questions which is a big problem.
MisakaMikoto   
Jan 15, 2015
Undergraduate / Academic and Personal Elements required - University of WA Seattle Transfer Essay (Autumn 2015) [2]

+1 for deadlifts

I think you should focus a bit more on academic history/major and career goals. As it is now a large section of your essay is devoted to the gym/how that's changed you which would be fine if the essay were not mainly asking about your academic history, career goals, and cultural understanding. I don't think it's bad that you write about the gym/how that's changed you but I just think that you're focusing too much on something that seems to be pretty far in the past. I would maybe condense the first few paragraphs and go into more detail about your year at Rose-Hulman/why you want to be an industrial engineer/what you plan to do as an industrial engineer. As far as mechanics go you should focus on the flow of your essay/word usage/grammar. There are definitely several spots that would benefit from you either cutting out completely or shortening (e.g.Sweat and black dots cloud my vision as I let out the breath that I held for the entire lift is kinda redundant and might be better if you just use a word like exhale or something). At any rate, I think you have the right idea, just need to polish up the essay in your remaining month.

Btw, am I going crazy or is there no extracurriculars portion on the UWash transfer application?
MisakaMikoto   
Jan 18, 2015
Undergraduate / Academia is a major connection point between people. USC college essay 250 word short essay. [4]

Your essay is pretty off topic, you don't even begin to answer the prompt until the last third of the essay. I'd suggest adding more about what you actually plan on doing at USC (classes, professors, fraternities, networking, etc.) while reducing the first half of your response to maybe one or two sentences. I understand that it's sometimes hard to respond to these kind of prompts without sounding artificial but barely answering the question at all is a far worse alternative.
MisakaMikoto   
Jan 18, 2015
Undergraduate / there is a world beyond the classroom / my way of seeking social responsibility [3]

USC students are known to be involved. Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit (such as service to community or family, a club or sport, or work, etc.,) that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important to you. (250 word limit)

For all my dedication to academic success, I've always known that there is a world beyond the classroom. After I began working at Summit Tutoring Center in 2013, tutoring and mentoring became my way of leaving a mark on the community. While working at the tutoring center I found that I was able to effectively bridge the gap between adults and teenagers-at only 19 years of age and still fresh from my high school career, I was able to relate to the students and become their outlet as they experienced the shaky transition from adolescence into adulthood.

Tutoring wasn't always a purely academic endeavor. In between sessions and while on break at the water cooler, the students' and my idle chit chat became a necessary catharsis as we shaped each other's lives and grew together. We talked about goals, problems in school, or even about that first girlfriend, encouraged each other to do our best during rough times, and, along the way, formed lasting bonds. Although I have since left my job at Summit Tutoring, I have not lost my desire to support those who need help and to foster healthy relationships. I still maintain a significant presence as a college mentor in the local high schools and realize that mentoring is something that I definitely want to pursue, whether now or in the future. While focusing on my own academics has opened new doorways and opportunities, tutoring has given me the heart to give back to the community.

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (250 word limit)

Pursuing a career in accounting is my way of seeking social responsibility. Growing up in an America shaped by the accounting scandals of Enron and Worldcom along with the careless lending that caused the subprime mortgage crisis, I've seen firsthand the damage that corporate irresponsibility can cause whether it was when my best friend moved away after his parents lost their house or when my father came back from his last day at work with his head in his hands. Seeing the pain and anguish of the innocents caught in the financial fallout has given me a strong desire to ensure transparency and accountability in the corporate world.

At USC I want to enter the Leventhal School of Accounting and pursue a double major: accounting so that I can prepare for my career of choice and philosophy to understand the ethics and logic that shape our world. I wish to focus my accounting curriculum on auditing and forensics through classes such as "Detecting Fraudulent Reporting" and "Systems Security and Audit" while taking advantage of the many networking opportunities available to aggressively search for internships and jobs. I would also like the opportunity to learn from Professor Mark Schroeder in the School of Philosophy. One of my favorite philosophers is A.J. Ayer, who promoted the verification principle and expressivism, and exploring the intricacies of his theories and its consequences with Professor Schroeder, who is an expert on expressivism and logic, would no doubt be instrumental to my growth as a thinker.

Both essays are exactly 250 words (whew). There are a few spots where I I'm not quite satisfied with the flow/word choice, namely "Growing up in an America... with his head in his hands." and "We talked about goals... and, along the way, formed lasting bonds." Aside from that general feedback is appreciated (do you think I addressed the prompt completely, how do these two essays make you view me as a student/individual, suggestions, etc.). Thanks.
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