johnny85514
Nov 27, 2014
Undergraduate / UC essay prompt #1 on inspired by family background [2]
Hi this is for my University of California application which is pretty urgent (last minute work lol) please help me to proofread and check on the grammar. thanks
Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dream and aspirations.
Trucks filled with freshly harvested rice arrived at the factory continuously. Standing under the sun, keeping track of the weight of each truck was how I spent my summer during the harvest season. Naturally influenced by my family business, I have always been interested in finance and business management.
My family owns an agricultural processing business. They have been serving the farmers in the neighborhood for decades ever since my great grandparents started the business and I have always taken apart whenever I was needed. Soon, I realized our business is not only about purchasing crops and producing goods, but requires in-depth understanding of the crops, fluctuation of price over years, management, marketing and financial skills in order to successfully run such business. As our business expanded larger, my father asked me to handle a portion of the family business instead of finishing my education. However, I turned him down because I was inspired to start a similar business on my own.
I have always admire my father. He is a diligent and humble man, and he cares about his family and community. He joined the family business after graduated from high school, but lost almost everything after my grandfather pass away due to heritage allocation issue. However, he restarted the company from scratch and get it back on track, at the same time, expended it within five years. He tough me many life lessons and introduced me to the agriculture business in Taiwan. However, I saw flaws in this business. Several manufactures in my country often reduce purchase prices on raw material for their own advantage. I was shocked by this situation, but felt incapable to change.
I have lived under my parent's protection for my entire life that I seldom made decisions for myself. During high school, I convinced my parents to allow me to take a gap year and join the Rotary Youth Exchange Program. This integral experience shaped me into an independent, confident, and determined individual. From my observation on the Rotarians that hosted me, I changed my perspective on the world around me. I realized running a business isn't just to make profits, but also make positive changes to the community. I came back with a new plan for my career. That is to create a successful company which will provide quality financial services and distribution channels to improve lives of the local framers.
I have though that it's an understatement to carry on the family business. However, my journey abroad made me realize how poor our farmers were treated. So I believe a college education will establish a solid foundation to peruse my dream.
Hi this is for my University of California application which is pretty urgent (last minute work lol) please help me to proofread and check on the grammar. thanks
Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dream and aspirations.
Trucks filled with freshly harvested rice arrived at the factory continuously. Standing under the sun, keeping track of the weight of each truck was how I spent my summer during the harvest season. Naturally influenced by my family business, I have always been interested in finance and business management.
My family owns an agricultural processing business. They have been serving the farmers in the neighborhood for decades ever since my great grandparents started the business and I have always taken apart whenever I was needed. Soon, I realized our business is not only about purchasing crops and producing goods, but requires in-depth understanding of the crops, fluctuation of price over years, management, marketing and financial skills in order to successfully run such business. As our business expanded larger, my father asked me to handle a portion of the family business instead of finishing my education. However, I turned him down because I was inspired to start a similar business on my own.
I have always admire my father. He is a diligent and humble man, and he cares about his family and community. He joined the family business after graduated from high school, but lost almost everything after my grandfather pass away due to heritage allocation issue. However, he restarted the company from scratch and get it back on track, at the same time, expended it within five years. He tough me many life lessons and introduced me to the agriculture business in Taiwan. However, I saw flaws in this business. Several manufactures in my country often reduce purchase prices on raw material for their own advantage. I was shocked by this situation, but felt incapable to change.
I have lived under my parent's protection for my entire life that I seldom made decisions for myself. During high school, I convinced my parents to allow me to take a gap year and join the Rotary Youth Exchange Program. This integral experience shaped me into an independent, confident, and determined individual. From my observation on the Rotarians that hosted me, I changed my perspective on the world around me. I realized running a business isn't just to make profits, but also make positive changes to the community. I came back with a new plan for my career. That is to create a successful company which will provide quality financial services and distribution channels to improve lives of the local framers.
I have though that it's an understatement to carry on the family business. However, my journey abroad made me realize how poor our farmers were treated. So I believe a college education will establish a solid foundation to peruse my dream.