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Posts by adad1120
Name: Joo Kim
Joined: Dec 3, 2014
Last Post: Dec 9, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: Korea, Republic of

Displayed posts: 3
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adad1120   
Dec 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / Fundamental stage for the future - Two main reasons for study in college or university [5]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The number of people who attend college or university has increased dramatically. Some people think that attending college or university wastes great amount of money and time. However, I strongly believe that there are two reasonable reasons why people tend to attend college or university. First, some people want to become the most distinguished scholars in their own field. Second, by preparing career people are able to get a good job in the future.

To begin with, there are the kinds of people who want to be famous and prominent professors or scholars by attending college or university. In general, in order to become a scholar, people have to study with spending huge amount of time and efforts in college. After that, they are able to improve their knowledge and to get profound information involved with their major. Eventually, they will attend graduate university after the accomplishment of college or university and reach to their dream. Thus, attending college or university is very significant step for those people to achieve their dream.

Secondly, studying in college or university is the best way for people to prepare their career for the future. In other words, many companies in our society do not prefer to employ people who do not graduate from college or university. The reason is that they are not likely to get high education and to have improved knowledge so that they are not suited to work in the companies. Conversely, people who graduate from university or graduate schools tend to get a high-paying job in the future because they are fine. For instance, my older sister graduated from a good university, and she got a high-paying job in the society, while my cousin who only finished high school was able to only get a low-paying job such as washing dishes in restaurant. This difference shows the importance why many people try to attend college or university.

To sum up, many people try to study in college or university for two reasons. First, the institution is fundamental stage for people who want to be professor or scholar. Second, it allows many people to prepare their own career for the future. Thus, in the future, attending college or university will be more competitive.
adad1120   
Dec 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / Fundamental stage for the future - Two main reasons for study in college or university [5]

with spending huge amount of time and efforts in college . After that, they are able to improve their knowledge and to get profound information involved with their major

I carefully read all your comments by recognizing about what my mistakes are.
I was quite confused about a minor grammar mistakes and the the usage of transition.
I have struggled with using those skills for more than one year.
However, all sayings offered by you are very useful and helpful for me to realize something wrong!

Thanks a lot!!
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