Posts by IndahSatria

IndahSatria

Feb 24, 2015

Writing Feedback / Getting excellent grade in school or university is one of the ways to achieve bright future. [2]

Do good exam results at school or college guarantee success in life? Discuss the advantages that a good education can have on your future. Do you believe that studying hard will bring a better life?

Education and a great life are crucial things for human beings. Getting excellent grade in school or university is one of the ways to achieve bright future. I personally argue that intelligent people without making efforts with studying hard are impossible to reach high quality of life.

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IndahSatria

Mar 13, 2015

Writing Feedback / The line graph compares and contrast data on the different percentage of unemployed women [3]

Hi Ilma,

It is better to put a picture in this essay. Readers will be easy to refer the task and give some suggestions for you. However, I give several comments here.

The line graph compares ~~and contrasts~~ data on the different percentage of unemployed women in eight age groups from 18 to 65.

In general, the percentage of unemployed women in the age groups is fluctuating, whereas the peak is in age group 45 with 20%. More specifically, the age group 18 is 5% lower than age group 45 in 20%. The small number of ~~percentage~~(you can use "proportion") of unemployed women ~~are~~is between age groups 25, 30, and 35. ~~The age groups 25, 30, and 35~~(it is repetition from before) are steadily(steadily what?) in 5%. After the peak, the number of unemployed women is gradually falling 10% in age group 55 and 60.

. In suggestion, you can change "unemployed women" to avoid repetition.

Thanks a million