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The line graph compares and contrast data on the different percentage of unemployed women


ilma 1 / -  
Mar 13, 2015   #1
Please correct my writing. Thank you in advance. -Ilma Amalina

The line graph compares and contrasts data on the different percentage of unemployed women in eight age groups from 18 to 65.

In general, the percentage of unemployed women in the age groups is fluctuating, whereas the peak is in age group 45 with 20%. More specifically, the age group 18 is 5% lower than age group 45 in 20%. The small number of percentage of unemployed women are between age groups 25, 30, and 35. The age groups 25, 30, and 35 are steadily in 5%. After the peak, the number of unemployed women is gradually falling 10% in age group 55 and 60.

In conclusion, women in age groups 25, 30, and 35 are productive and less unemployed compare to the younger age, 18 and 20, and the older age which are unproductive age groups in 45, 55, and 60.
IndahSatria 1 / 1  
Mar 13, 2015   #2
Hi Ilma,

It is better to put a picture in this essay. Readers will be easy to refer the task and give some suggestions for you. However, I give several comments here.

The line graph compares and contrasts data on the different percentage of unemployed women in eight age groups from 18 to 65.

In general, the percentage of unemployed women in the age groups is fluctuating, whereas the peak is in age group 45 with 20%. More specifically, the age group 18 is 5% lower than age group 45 in 20%. The small number of percentage(you can use "proportion") of unemployed women areis between age groups 25, 30, and 35. The age groups 25, 30, and 35(it is repetition from before) are steadily(steadily what?) in 5%. After the peak, the number of unemployed women is gradually falling 10% in age group 55 and 60.

. In suggestion, you can change "unemployed women" to avoid repetition.

Thanks a million
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Mar 17, 2015   #3
The line graph compares and contrasts data on thein different percentages of unemployed women in eight age groups from 18 to 65. (you need overbiew here, and this is so really important)

you need to give an overview in task 1, and it is necessary. Good Luck!


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