yabbs1004
Jul 20, 2009
Undergraduate / AP biology - University of Florida Admissions Essay [4]
I was wondering if i could get some input on my essay. I have been struggling to write it, and finally got something written, but I am not sure is even relevant to the prompt.
the prompt is:
"In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship, or a call to service. "
Essay:
Seven years ago, I moved from a small suburb of Chicago, IL to Naples, FL. This move, at the time, caused me much grief. I was moving away from all my relatives and all the friends I had been going to school with since pre-school. When I got to Naples I had a hard time making new friends, it was like moving to another planet. Everyone had different interests and personalities than those of my Chicago friends. No one thought the things we liked were cool. They all had accounts on a website called Neopets, where they had little digital pets, I had never even heard of Neopets. The fact that I was overweight didn't help much either, but after awhile I was able to adapt and find my own little niche. I was able to grow as a person and gain many friends. One of the biggest contributions was my joining band. It was like being in a big family. In fact the majority of my friends I met in band. Everyone tends to stick together and help each other. I also intend to join band at UF. The other place I made a lot of friends in was my AP classes and JROTC classes. I learned responsibility and many leadership qualities in JROTC, and met a lot of smart kids in my AP courses that have been in the same classes as me since my first AP in my freshman year. One of my favorite things about my AP friends was that they never pestered me for answers. In honors integrated science class it was impossible to go through a class without the constant irritation of those around me asking what the answers for the homework were or similar questions. If you were to try and teach them how to find the answers they would have no part in it, they were just interested in being lazy burdens to those who actually cared enough to learn the material. Once I got in AP biology I was never asked for homework answers, but instead they would ask if I could help them study, which I was happy to do. I am sure that the students at UF are like the students I was friends with in the AP classes, and that I will easily develop good relationships with them. I also look forward to becoming part of the tight-knit band community present at UF.
I was wondering if i could get some input on my essay. I have been struggling to write it, and finally got something written, but I am not sure is even relevant to the prompt.
the prompt is:
"In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship, or a call to service. "
Essay:
Seven years ago, I moved from a small suburb of Chicago, IL to Naples, FL. This move, at the time, caused me much grief. I was moving away from all my relatives and all the friends I had been going to school with since pre-school. When I got to Naples I had a hard time making new friends, it was like moving to another planet. Everyone had different interests and personalities than those of my Chicago friends. No one thought the things we liked were cool. They all had accounts on a website called Neopets, where they had little digital pets, I had never even heard of Neopets. The fact that I was overweight didn't help much either, but after awhile I was able to adapt and find my own little niche. I was able to grow as a person and gain many friends. One of the biggest contributions was my joining band. It was like being in a big family. In fact the majority of my friends I met in band. Everyone tends to stick together and help each other. I also intend to join band at UF. The other place I made a lot of friends in was my AP classes and JROTC classes. I learned responsibility and many leadership qualities in JROTC, and met a lot of smart kids in my AP courses that have been in the same classes as me since my first AP in my freshman year. One of my favorite things about my AP friends was that they never pestered me for answers. In honors integrated science class it was impossible to go through a class without the constant irritation of those around me asking what the answers for the homework were or similar questions. If you were to try and teach them how to find the answers they would have no part in it, they were just interested in being lazy burdens to those who actually cared enough to learn the material. Once I got in AP biology I was never asked for homework answers, but instead they would ask if I could help them study, which I was happy to do. I am sure that the students at UF are like the students I was friends with in the AP classes, and that I will easily develop good relationships with them. I also look forward to becoming part of the tight-knit band community present at UF.
