Undergraduate / "my peers' views" - admission essay-common app [5]

Please help me out in critique or editing of this admission essay. applying for Cornell but not sure of the standard.

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Essay:

Whenever I see my peers scamper to sign up for events that would embellish their portfolios, I always view them with slight contempt as they began groaning on how boring the events were during participation. Deep down, I feel that doing things, that I dislike, just for some hidden agenda makes life very meaningless. However, I was challenged by my friends who felt that it was a survival technique. In order to succeed in this pragmatic world, we have to show scholarship boards, admission offices or employers what they are looking for-a well-developed individual- and personal interests is secondary. I disagree with their views. Even if they pass the criteria to enter prestigious universities with their "well-rounded portfolios", the values that the admission offices look out for in their portfolios are probably qualities of all the students in the universities. Hence, for example, people there express enthusiasm in helping others but your true self actually dislike helping others (you faked that quality in your portfolio), then you may feel left out as your values are different from your peers and thus would not enjoy studying in the university.

However, my friends countered by asking, "Are you willing to follow your interests and earn meager salaries after graduating or take up lucrative professions like being a banker and earn big bucks even though you dislike it?" For a moment, I was swayed. Nevertheless, I held firm to my stand and argued that working takes up a huge part of my life and hence, it is better to have a career I am passionate about rather than taking up a profession that I loathe and always dread going to work. The latter will not only make my life miserable but it goes against my principles and I would ultimately lose my real self.

Even though I rebutted my friends as if reason was all on my side, upon reflection, I felt that they are not totally wrong and I feel that I am a little resistant change. I start to respect their views because they may be doing all this because the university course they desire requires an outstanding portfolio, like medicine, due to stiff competitive. In addition, looking from another perspective, things may not interest me at first but if I do not go into further exploration, I will never know if it suits me. Moreover, the world does not revolve around me and there may not always be exciting things to suit my personality and interests. Hence, maybe I should learn to pick up new interests and adapt to different ways of life and not stick with one from birth till death. That said, I still think that I should not lose sight of myself-my personality and principles- even when introducing new elements into my life as some times, delusion may lead me to do things that I dislike. Moreover, we should not do things as a means to an end as our sincerity will be questionable.

Advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you :)

Undergraduate / common app-- Describing my life as tough [3]

Hope that you all could help me critique on my essay. It would be good if you guys could suggest some quirky title for it. Thanks :)

Suicide...AWOL... These senseless thoughts began reverberating in my mind when I was posted to a battalion to be a sergeant. With twenty-six privates under my charge, my responsibilities skyrocketed. Every day, I have to give them orders, make sure they perform and if they misbehave, suffer the consequences of being unable to discipline them. The upper echelons take my ability to lead for granted thus there was a dearth of rewards when things went well but a plethora of punishments when things go wrong.

Describing my life as tough was an understatement. Hence, I turned to escapism.

As I inched closer towards the parapet, my vision blurred and I fell into a trance. Thoughts of my family and friends suddenly spawned in my mind. Fortunately, rationality prevailed. Shuffling backwards, I abandoned my suicide attempt.

Finally, I decided to accept reality...but not the status quo. I strived for improvements to make my new environment a better place to work in. When I started to be proactive, I manage to perceive the various sources that caused the inefficiencies that I am facing and think of methods to solve the issues. For example, after reading their weekly reflections I realised my troopers are dissatisfied with the unfair treatment they received from the ex-commanders as they were not rewarded for working hard. Having been in their situation during my trainee days, I knew exactly what they needed.

Meritocracy was my solution. However, I felt that the crux was not what solution I adopted but rather the fact that I listened to their views sincerely and thereafter, tried to resolve their concerns matters. It is always comforting when there is someone to turn to in times of need ï I was there for them and thus, I earned their respect. Eventually, they were highly motivated and were willing to slog with me.

Another problem I faced was the high costs of a wrong decision. Hence, I had an aversion for decision-making at first, always asking my lieutenant for instructions and passing it down to my platoon. However, I began reflecting, I realised that if I do not exercise my autonomy how could I be a commander? If I had the courage to face reality, why could I not have the fortitude to soldier on with the burgeoning responsibility on my back? Thereafter, I began making decisions, not being afraid to fault and also learn from any bad decisions.

Although my experience in the battalion was gruelling, I learnt that even when some event goes against your wishes, try to face it enthusiastically instead of cowardly avoiding it. Eschewing from adversities every time would only lead to an irresponsible individual that cannot endure hardship. Life is replete with challenges. However, they are also opportunities for improvements ï not only physically but also mentally.