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Posts by JACOX1
Joined: Jul 23, 2009
Last Post: Jul 25, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: United States

Displayed posts: 4
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JACOX1   
Jul 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "My work experience" -- Too...nonchalant? [9]

The first time I visited a Cold Stone Creamery I was convinced that would be my first job. About two months later I had applied and soon started my minimum wage journey. Every other day I would clock in and clock out with a small sense of new found independence. Now, the money I spend is exclusively mine and I can proudly say I have a job in this dwindling economy. However, as the days pass and the daily tasks are a mere routine I have become restless. There are no goals apart from good customer service in this monotonous work environment. Yet I appreciate the experience for what it is. It's showed me how lucky I really am; soon without a doubt I will be pursuing my dreams, an opportunity not many of today's youth take to their advantage.

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This is my essay for the Short Answer section for The Common App.
I like it, yet I feel it needs something more. My job does not give out performance awards (Employee of the Month) or anything like that. Maybe I should switch my subject, but I think my first job experience is note worthy. Not quite sure if my last sentence is all too grammatically correct either. (140 words/150)
JACOX1   
Jul 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "My work experience" -- Too...nonchalant? [9]

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
JACOX1   
Jul 24, 2009
Undergraduate / "My work experience" -- Too...nonchalant? [9]

Slinging, banging, crunching and mixing are my hands at work. Every day I make countless ice cream creations for families, friends and teen couples alike. I even sing a short harmony each time a tip is left by a pleased customer. It's quite a performance working at this ice cream shop. You could even say there's a slight finesse to it. At first working with the spoon-like spades to mix the ice cream with various toppings was very awkward and often I would have to say, "Sorry, I'm new." But now as the days pass and I no longer get nervous when long lines form, restlessness has taken over me. Sure it was a challenge sharpening my ice cream making skills, or learning the ins and outs of the register, but now it is all too commonplace. I desire more things to learn, practice and perfect.

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Thanks for the input,
above is my revision...quite a revision. Not nearly the same as last time, but this time I kept in mind the details it might have needed.

Please read it and tell me if it needs something more, or less, rearranged...and all that jazz.

And reading it over, I feel like I might need a stronger ending. However, it must be under 150 words, and that is 146 words.
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