superazusa
Oct 24, 2015
Undergraduate / U Mich Essay #1 on a community where I belong [9]
Hello, I would like to get my U Mich essay edited for clarity, structure, and pretty much anything else. Also, the prompt says the word count should be approximately 250 words (but is currently 286), will that be a problem? If so, I would appreciate some help on that. Thanks a bunch!
Essay #1 (Required for all applicants. Approximately 250 words)
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
Ten years ago, indissoluble bridges linked every house in my cul-de-sac. There was a strong sense of conviviality and a powerful camaraderie between the residences of Halsey Lane-doors always stood unlocked, and supper was often shared.
To me, the most memorable event that united our community was the annual pumpkin butchering. Every child, and some parents, partook in the massacre. We scattered guts and viscera upon the patio of Ms. Denis, the ever obliging host, and consumed the pumpkin bread which she seemed to supply endlessly. It was this carpe-diem event that always let me escape the troubles of day-to-day life and strengthen familial ties with my neighbors.
When my parents bought a new house on the other side of town, it felt like I had lost a brethren. The familiar surroundings of my cul-de-sac disintegrated and was replaced by a foreign street with new kids. I would retreat into my room and lounge upon the floor and throw open a book, immersing myself in various authors' worlds to distract myself from the despair and guilt of leaving my comrades.
The following October, I convinced my parents that we drive back to our old neighborhood for the pumpkin butchering. When we got there, old faces greeted me with cheeky smiles, tight bear hugs and a sign that said "Welcome Home". At that moment, I realized what an integral member of the gang I was. Seeing everyone back together again with baseball bats in hands allayed the guilt I'd felt for leaving them.
Incidentally, I've attended every butchering since I moved, and each time I'm reminded that the cul-de-sac of Halsey Lane is neither gone nor forgotten. I know that the doors will stay unlocked for me.
Hello, I would like to get my U Mich essay edited for clarity, structure, and pretty much anything else. Also, the prompt says the word count should be approximately 250 words (but is currently 286), will that be a problem? If so, I would appreciate some help on that. Thanks a bunch!
Essay #1 (Required for all applicants. Approximately 250 words)
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
Ten years ago, indissoluble bridges linked every house in my cul-de-sac. There was a strong sense of conviviality and a powerful camaraderie between the residences of Halsey Lane-doors always stood unlocked, and supper was often shared.
To me, the most memorable event that united our community was the annual pumpkin butchering. Every child, and some parents, partook in the massacre. We scattered guts and viscera upon the patio of Ms. Denis, the ever obliging host, and consumed the pumpkin bread which she seemed to supply endlessly. It was this carpe-diem event that always let me escape the troubles of day-to-day life and strengthen familial ties with my neighbors.
When my parents bought a new house on the other side of town, it felt like I had lost a brethren. The familiar surroundings of my cul-de-sac disintegrated and was replaced by a foreign street with new kids. I would retreat into my room and lounge upon the floor and throw open a book, immersing myself in various authors' worlds to distract myself from the despair and guilt of leaving my comrades.
The following October, I convinced my parents that we drive back to our old neighborhood for the pumpkin butchering. When we got there, old faces greeted me with cheeky smiles, tight bear hugs and a sign that said "Welcome Home". At that moment, I realized what an integral member of the gang I was. Seeing everyone back together again with baseball bats in hands allayed the guilt I'd felt for leaving them.
Incidentally, I've attended every butchering since I moved, and each time I'm reminded that the cul-de-sac of Halsey Lane is neither gone nor forgotten. I know that the doors will stay unlocked for me.