goingforgold
Oct 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Attitude Change: when opportunities arise, don't wait until it's too late - ED Princeton Pers. Essay [8]
Hi everyone,
Can someone please help me with grammatical errors I might have made? Because I'm really bad with that... Deadline is tomorrow so I'm a bit in a hurry... Thanks!
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
I felt the bead of sweat drip down the side of my neck. My view was blurry, which made it even harder for my brain to process what was happening. Doctors were debating about my treatment while simultaneously injecting me with all sorts of drugs. "Her blood pressure is still only 70 over 37, we need to infuse more intravenous fluid!" was one of the phrases I heard distantly while trying to stay conscious.
What started as one of our traditionally fun family weekends ended as a near-death experience. I hadn't been feeling well the whole weekend, but everyone, including myself, thought it was just an extreme case of the flu. When I couldn't walk straight anymore because of the dizziness, my mom got worried and took me to the hospital. I was diagnosed with sepsis almost immediately. Doctors later told me that I might not have made it had my mom taken me as little as an hour later.
In the week that followed, I had to stay at the hospital for my full recuperation. One can imagine that my stay there became extremely tedious after a while. However, it did give me a lot of time to philosophize about my life. Realizing that I could have easily died that day, I started to question my overall attitude that I had in life. I thought about accomplishments I had already made and, for the first time, I started to think critically about things I'd still like to pursue or accomplish.
High school had always been easy for me. I did next to nothing to obtain my reasonably high grades in rigorous classes at school. My mom was always telling me I could distinguish myself more if I used my privilege of having a good pair of brains more, but I liked the feeling of fitting in somewhere and being "normal". This had everything to do with my years at middle school. During the eight years there, I was always labeled as the geek of the class. Kids bullied me with this, which resulted to my hatred for being smart. So when I went to VWO at high school, I finally felt I fitted in somewhere and I was happy to not be the kid that always had the best marks. I was finally freed from the geek label.
During my recuperation of sepsis, I realized that life is short and that I should use all the opportunities and privileges I have. Trying specifically to not be the best at something is basically foolish and childish, and showed that I was not independent. I realized that the kids who picked on me were simply jealous, and they should be. Children who live in third world countries dream of the privileges that I have living in a country as wealthy as Holland, so why shouldn't I use all those privileges?
As the fourth year of high school began, my grades went up, and I went from a good student up to an excellent student. I started to really delve into my schoolbooks, and found a love for STEM subjects as well as a love for social sciences. To my surprise, fellow students didn't start to bully me, but actually started to admire me. That was the first time I realized I should be proud of being "the best".
Today I say yes to every opportunity and I can only see doors that are open. I strive to be the best at everything: from playing volleyball to playing the piano, from helping other people with school to studying for my own tests. I have become an independent thinker and therefore believe I have grown more into adulthood after my sepsis incident, but also believe I will never be done learning and growing. I now live by the famous Dutch saying, "Je moet het ijzer smeden als het heet is", which means: When opportunities arise, don't wait until it's too late.
Hi everyone,
Can someone please help me with grammatical errors I might have made? Because I'm really bad with that... Deadline is tomorrow so I'm a bit in a hurry... Thanks!
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
I felt the bead of sweat drip down the side of my neck. My view was blurry, which made it even harder for my brain to process what was happening. Doctors were debating about my treatment while simultaneously injecting me with all sorts of drugs. "Her blood pressure is still only 70 over 37, we need to infuse more intravenous fluid!" was one of the phrases I heard distantly while trying to stay conscious.
What started as one of our traditionally fun family weekends ended as a near-death experience. I hadn't been feeling well the whole weekend, but everyone, including myself, thought it was just an extreme case of the flu. When I couldn't walk straight anymore because of the dizziness, my mom got worried and took me to the hospital. I was diagnosed with sepsis almost immediately. Doctors later told me that I might not have made it had my mom taken me as little as an hour later.
In the week that followed, I had to stay at the hospital for my full recuperation. One can imagine that my stay there became extremely tedious after a while. However, it did give me a lot of time to philosophize about my life. Realizing that I could have easily died that day, I started to question my overall attitude that I had in life. I thought about accomplishments I had already made and, for the first time, I started to think critically about things I'd still like to pursue or accomplish.
High school had always been easy for me. I did next to nothing to obtain my reasonably high grades in rigorous classes at school. My mom was always telling me I could distinguish myself more if I used my privilege of having a good pair of brains more, but I liked the feeling of fitting in somewhere and being "normal". This had everything to do with my years at middle school. During the eight years there, I was always labeled as the geek of the class. Kids bullied me with this, which resulted to my hatred for being smart. So when I went to VWO at high school, I finally felt I fitted in somewhere and I was happy to not be the kid that always had the best marks. I was finally freed from the geek label.
During my recuperation of sepsis, I realized that life is short and that I should use all the opportunities and privileges I have. Trying specifically to not be the best at something is basically foolish and childish, and showed that I was not independent. I realized that the kids who picked on me were simply jealous, and they should be. Children who live in third world countries dream of the privileges that I have living in a country as wealthy as Holland, so why shouldn't I use all those privileges?
As the fourth year of high school began, my grades went up, and I went from a good student up to an excellent student. I started to really delve into my schoolbooks, and found a love for STEM subjects as well as a love for social sciences. To my surprise, fellow students didn't start to bully me, but actually started to admire me. That was the first time I realized I should be proud of being "the best".
Today I say yes to every opportunity and I can only see doors that are open. I strive to be the best at everything: from playing volleyball to playing the piano, from helping other people with school to studying for my own tests. I have become an independent thinker and therefore believe I have grown more into adulthood after my sepsis incident, but also believe I will never be done learning and growing. I now live by the famous Dutch saying, "Je moet het ijzer smeden als het heet is", which means: When opportunities arise, don't wait until it's too late.
