arielyiyitou108
Dec 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: Independent Task- the rules for young adults are too strict [NEW]
Can you please grade my essay out of 30? Urgent!!! I would appreciate any advice. Thanks.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.
As technology advances, our lives are getting better and better. At the same time, our expectation for the next generation is also rising. The society now ask teenagers to follow numerous rules. This, in turn, brought many questions as to whether the societies are too demanding. I believe to ensure the future is as great as the present or even better, these rules would be needed. The rules can help discourage harmful behaviors, give young people a sense of discipline, and encourage them to contribute to the societies.
First of all, the rules can reduce the number of adverse behavior. For example, the prohibition of alcohols and tobacco for juniors under the age of 21 discouraged many young people to drink and smoke. It helped prevent them growing up an addict or a drunken man. Another example is the ban on bullying in school. It warns the teenagers not to hurt others both physically and psychologically. This can prevent many young people from getting a taste of violence and will reduce crime rate in the future. Thus, many rules are set with the intention of warning young people not to go down a dark path, which will benefit them greatly in the future.
Moreover, rules can benefit teenagers mentally. For instance, if a boy assaulted his teacher when he was in middle school, he would get punished and probably sent to a juvenile prison for a short period. This would give him a hard lesson and probably prevent him from attacking anyone in the future ever again. Since this record will be sealed, this crime will not have any negative influence on his life. Therefore, the rules and the consequences of breaking them will help teenagers set a straight path mentally when they were still young.
Last but not least, the rules can enable young people to be more appreciative of the society in the future. For example, rules are set to protect the privacy of others, so young people will understand that the society is trying to do whatever they can to protect their rights. As members of the society who benefit constantly from it, they are likely to be thankful when they grow up because rules were set in place to prevent any crime against them and any crime they might commit. That is, the strict rules, while benefiting young people both physically and psychologically, will also benefit the society in the future because many of them will be willing to be contribute to the society, when they grow up.
Overall, rules are created to benefit young people, and whether they acknowledge this or not, it should still be enforced for them to have a brighter future. As our world becomes more and more developed everyday, temptations are getting more and more appealing, so it is our priority to let teenagers distinguish the good from the bad, so that they do not grow up to be criminals.
Can you please grade my essay out of 30? Urgent!!! I would appreciate any advice. Thanks.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict.
As technology advances, our lives are getting better and better. At the same time, our expectation for the next generation is also rising. The society now ask teenagers to follow numerous rules. This, in turn, brought many questions as to whether the societies are too demanding. I believe to ensure the future is as great as the present or even better, these rules would be needed. The rules can help discourage harmful behaviors, give young people a sense of discipline, and encourage them to contribute to the societies.
First of all, the rules can reduce the number of adverse behavior. For example, the prohibition of alcohols and tobacco for juniors under the age of 21 discouraged many young people to drink and smoke. It helped prevent them growing up an addict or a drunken man. Another example is the ban on bullying in school. It warns the teenagers not to hurt others both physically and psychologically. This can prevent many young people from getting a taste of violence and will reduce crime rate in the future. Thus, many rules are set with the intention of warning young people not to go down a dark path, which will benefit them greatly in the future.
Moreover, rules can benefit teenagers mentally. For instance, if a boy assaulted his teacher when he was in middle school, he would get punished and probably sent to a juvenile prison for a short period. This would give him a hard lesson and probably prevent him from attacking anyone in the future ever again. Since this record will be sealed, this crime will not have any negative influence on his life. Therefore, the rules and the consequences of breaking them will help teenagers set a straight path mentally when they were still young.
Last but not least, the rules can enable young people to be more appreciative of the society in the future. For example, rules are set to protect the privacy of others, so young people will understand that the society is trying to do whatever they can to protect their rights. As members of the society who benefit constantly from it, they are likely to be thankful when they grow up because rules were set in place to prevent any crime against them and any crime they might commit. That is, the strict rules, while benefiting young people both physically and psychologically, will also benefit the society in the future because many of them will be willing to be contribute to the society, when they grow up.
Overall, rules are created to benefit young people, and whether they acknowledge this or not, it should still be enforced for them to have a brighter future. As our world becomes more and more developed everyday, temptations are getting more and more appealing, so it is our priority to let teenagers distinguish the good from the bad, so that they do not grow up to be criminals.