Undergraduate / 'The 100 book competition in kindergarten' - College Essay for Milwaukee and Parkside [3]

Turnken,

The kindergarten story is cute but overall I feel like your story lacks substance. The prompt asks to touch on life experiences that will enrich their community: I feel like the story you're telling is less of a life experience and more of a random anecdote. Also, make sure you highlight a quality of yours that makes you amiable and someone that the college will want to have: right now, your "determination to be number one" is a bit aggressive and doesn't really seem like a quality that will enrich a community.

Undergraduate / How I met Harry Potter. Common Application for 2016 fall [3]

Hailie,

Your essay has a bit of a disconnect to me. At first, it's an essay based off of Harry Potter's significance in your life; however, towards the middle it does a switch and talks instead about animated films. I would focus on either one or the other throughout the essay.