Graduate / Two main experiences in my life - SOP for Speech and Language Pathology Graduate School Applications [2]

To start this is a really well-written essay!! I found only a few grammatical mistakes.

During my junior year, I participated in a class that allowed me to visit a local school of low socioeconomics for 8 weeks and teach him phoneme recognition along with the sounds that accompany each phoneme.

Who is him?Did you mean - teach children? Or was this a particular child?

In my senior year, I decided to hone in my field and explore all my possible therapy areas. I began to observe in the _____ University Speech and Hearing Clinic, workworking closely with a high school student diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum tutoring him in math and science, and work closely with a speech and language pathologist out of New York creating book lessons along with Individualized Education Program goals

Maybe use different wording because you already said working closely at the beginning of the sentence.

My childhood and my experience have culminated into a strong desire to help children succeed in life. From my family experience in the medical field to the teaching experience I have encountered in my undergraduate career, Speech and Language Pathology has become my dream career by molding all of my driven passions into one career.

I hope to further in my education at the University of ____.

Graduate / "Goodbye" - SOP for Masters of Public Administration for the University of Colorado [10]

Thanks so much! I have made the corrections you suggested and did a little revision on it, as well. I would love to see what you think.

Sometimes in the end we realize the significance of the journey. For me, it was in October when I was leaving the Peace Corps, the community and family I had created in the community of Santa Rosa de Líma in Guanajuato, Mexico when I finally understood why I had chosen to join the Peace Corps. I stood there in the center of the courtyard in the Elementary school in front of over a hundred students who one by one came up to embrace me to thank me for my service. It was in the middle of the goodbyes I saw the change I impacted and determined to pursue a career in public service.

In my undergraduate double majoring in Criminal Justice and Environmental Science I gained a broad understanding of the multifaceted nature of the social structure of society and the natural world surrounding it. It was then on the urge of a professor, I became activity involved in my university's extracurricular activities, as a Senator of the Student Government and a Scholar for the New England Center of Civic Life. These activities exposed me to the ways individuals could meaningfully participate in the life of a community. They invigorated and empowered me where I saw I could play a vital role in shaping my surroundings. This empowerment was furthered by my central part in bringing the first-ever American Cancer Society Relay for Life to my undergraduate university. Through these experiences I obtained the strong fundamental skills of teamwork, organization and communication that would develop my future career in public service.

After I had my Bachelor degree, I joined AmeriCorps National Civilian Community Corps (NCCC) a team-based national and community service program. This became my first real work experience in the public service field. It provided me with an opportunity to be exposed to and work directly in a variety of different areas in the public services field, such as disaster relief, education, public safety, and urban and rural development. This opened my eyes to the challenges facing our nation and how real individuals have to deal with the outcome of the policies placed upon them and the need for change.

From AmeriCorps I took a step further into the public service realm and joined the Peace Corps Mexico. I wanted to become aware of the issues facing not only our country, but also the world. My time in Mexico showed me with the stark environments, for instance lack of assess to clean water and that many individuals have to still live with. It was here as an Environmental Educator I also saw the impact not only an individual could make, but the difference a community could when brought together for a cause.

I am pursing the Masters of Public Administration at the University of Colorado because I need to obtain a more in-depth background on management and administration. I possess significant work experience and an education background to be an effective leader and with your program I can further my effectiveness to a higher level. With your core curriculum I will obtain that. Besides the fact that your program in Public Administration is National Ranked the program would provide me with a better grasp of what goes into the decision making process when policies are created and I can extend my public service career to a new level.

Graduate / "Goodbye" - SOP for Masters of Public Administration for the University of Colorado [10]

Thank you so much for you advice. I have added more information on my goals and expectations. If you could take another look at it that would be helpful.

It was in October when I was leaving the Peace Corps, the community and family I had created in the community of Santa Rosa de Líma in Guanajuato, Mexico when I finally understood why I had chosen to join the Peace Corps. I stood there in the center of the courtyard in the Elementary school in front of over a hundred students who one by one came up to embrace me to thank me for my service. It was in the middle of the goodbyes I saw the change I impacted and determined to pursue a career serving the public interest.

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Graduate / "Goodbye" - SOP for Masters of Public Administration for the University of Colorado [10]

Thank you so much!!

The problem I face is that I need to cut down to make the essay 500 words or less. Right now I am at 545 words.