Essays / How to create a meaningful introduction regarding an application essay to a research program [8]

I think this can be a big help on your problem in writing a meaningful letter/essay introduction:

ielts podcast /ielts-writing-task/088-ielts-writing-general-task-1-letter-writing-samples/

It focuses on IELTS but would be of aid on how you write a professional essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Brighton's attractions; the Pavilion visitors reached a highest proportion of tourists in 1995 [5]

I must say this is a very well written essay! Just with little grammar mistakes:

did not moved = should have been "did not move"
In the of the period = incorrect