kssuy6
Mar 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Help in trouble, warm advice - Extended family statement. Toefl writing [5]
In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources.
Please feel free to write some comment for me. I really want to improve my writing skills for Toefl.
Thank you~
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Nowadays, most of people have a lot of extended family. Regarding this, there has been a controversy about whether the extended family is less important now than it was in the past. Some would argue that the extended family is unnecessary than it was in the past. However, I firmly believe that the extended family is very important than it was in the past because extended family could helped people when we have some trouble and they could give people a warm advice.
To begin with, the extended family could help their people when they have some troubles. In other words, extended family such as uncle and aunt are very intimate relationship than other random people because most people used to think extended family is part of their family. I would like to illustrate this with a personal example. When I decided to go America for studying, I was really afraid about a lot of new experience and new environment. Also, I was worried about new people who I have to stay with them for studying in America. But, I could stayed my uncle and aunt's house for 3 years because they used to live with my family. So they let me stay in their house for 3 years. They helped me to adapt new environment and they exaplained about country's culture, language and food. Thus, extended family is necessary now than it was in the past.
Furthermore, extended family could give people a warm advice. To be specific, most of extended family such as grandparents, cousins and uncles have a lot of valuable life wisdom and experience because they live their life than people who is in teenager. For example, my grandparents who experienced a lot of hardship and difficulty in their life gave me a lot of warm advise for me when I failed or mistake from test. When I failed the test one day, I really wanted to give up right after I saw that test score. However, when I talked with my grandparents about my suffering, they gave me a power that I could do anything. So I could realized many things from failed test and I could overcome failing steps. Therefore, extended family could give people a lot of warm advice.
In conclusion, the extended family is more important now than it was in the past. This is because extended family could help their people when they have some troubles. Also, extended family could give people a warm advice.
In order to be well-informed, a person must get information from many different news resources.
Please feel free to write some comment for me. I really want to improve my writing skills for Toefl.
Thank you~
-------------
Nowadays, most of people have a lot of extended family. Regarding this, there has been a controversy about whether the extended family is less important now than it was in the past. Some would argue that the extended family is unnecessary than it was in the past. However, I firmly believe that the extended family is very important than it was in the past because extended family could helped people when we have some trouble and they could give people a warm advice.
To begin with, the extended family could help their people when they have some troubles. In other words, extended family such as uncle and aunt are very intimate relationship than other random people because most people used to think extended family is part of their family. I would like to illustrate this with a personal example. When I decided to go America for studying, I was really afraid about a lot of new experience and new environment. Also, I was worried about new people who I have to stay with them for studying in America. But, I could stayed my uncle and aunt's house for 3 years because they used to live with my family. So they let me stay in their house for 3 years. They helped me to adapt new environment and they exaplained about country's culture, language and food. Thus, extended family is necessary now than it was in the past.
Furthermore, extended family could give people a warm advice. To be specific, most of extended family such as grandparents, cousins and uncles have a lot of valuable life wisdom and experience because they live their life than people who is in teenager. For example, my grandparents who experienced a lot of hardship and difficulty in their life gave me a lot of warm advise for me when I failed or mistake from test. When I failed the test one day, I really wanted to give up right after I saw that test score. However, when I talked with my grandparents about my suffering, they gave me a power that I could do anything. So I could realized many things from failed test and I could overcome failing steps. Therefore, extended family could give people a lot of warm advice.
In conclusion, the extended family is more important now than it was in the past. This is because extended family could help their people when they have some troubles. Also, extended family could give people a warm advice.