ardiankrist
Dec 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads [2]
Hi everyone, this is my first post.
I would like to have some feedback on my practice essay for IELTS Writing Task 2.
I am going to take the test next month and my target score is band 7, but I feel that I do really need to put some extra work into my writing skill.
Thank you very much for sparing a few minutes of your time.
Topic:
Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.
Essay:
Transportation is so vital that a country's progress can be observed just by looking at how developed the transportation system it has. There are two choices when it comes to land transportation, which are railways and roads. While there are advantages to both options, I mostly agree that governments should invest more on railways rather than roads. This is due to the fact that railways are more reliable and and efficient, which makes it a better long-term investment.
With good maintenance and management, railways offer better reliability compared to roads. Take Japan for example, they have the most complicated railway system in the world while still being able to offer time precision on the order of seconds. On the other hand, roads are more susceptible to jamming when subjected to high volume of traffic.
Reliability is one of the most important measure to see how worthy a transportation system is. Without reliability there is no certainty, which means people cannot plan ahead their schedules. That is a disaster for industries whose projects success rely on timing. Fresh food suppliers, for example, highly depend on the reliability of its distribution network to make sure their goods arrive at the hand of their customers timely.
Other than being more reliable, railways are also more efficient compared to roads in the long run. Trains can transport more loads with less fuel and manpower which is better in economic and environmentally sense. This applies especially for electrical trains which power comes from renewable energy sources. Furthermore, considering the side effect of pollution that car brings in cities, railways are obviously the way to go for urban transportation.
Roads are more suitable to connect destinations with less traffic. However, as the world population increases and people are becoming more concentrated in urban areas, I think governments should build more railways rather than roads in the future.
Hi everyone, this is my first post.
I would like to have some feedback on my practice essay for IELTS Writing Task 2.
I am going to take the test next month and my target score is band 7, but I feel that I do really need to put some extra work into my writing skill.
Thank you very much for sparing a few minutes of your time.
Topic:
Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Essay:
Transportation is so vital that a country's progress can be observed just by looking at how developed the transportation system it has. There are two choices when it comes to land transportation, which are railways and roads. While there are advantages to both options, I mostly agree that governments should invest more on railways rather than roads. This is due to the fact that railways are more reliable and and efficient, which makes it a better long-term investment.
With good maintenance and management, railways offer better reliability compared to roads. Take Japan for example, they have the most complicated railway system in the world while still being able to offer time precision on the order of seconds. On the other hand, roads are more susceptible to jamming when subjected to high volume of traffic.
Reliability is one of the most important measure to see how worthy a transportation system is. Without reliability there is no certainty, which means people cannot plan ahead their schedules. That is a disaster for industries whose projects success rely on timing. Fresh food suppliers, for example, highly depend on the reliability of its distribution network to make sure their goods arrive at the hand of their customers timely.
Other than being more reliable, railways are also more efficient compared to roads in the long run. Trains can transport more loads with less fuel and manpower which is better in economic and environmentally sense. This applies especially for electrical trains which power comes from renewable energy sources. Furthermore, considering the side effect of pollution that car brings in cities, railways are obviously the way to go for urban transportation.
Roads are more suitable to connect destinations with less traffic. However, as the world population increases and people are becoming more concentrated in urban areas, I think governments should build more railways rather than roads in the future.