ashutosh123
Nov 24, 2016
Undergraduate / Common App Prompt 5: How family problems helped catalyze my transition to adulthood. [3]
Please check the grammar, the tone as well as the flow of the essay.
Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
"She can never set foot in my house" choked my father as he wearily walked out of the room. He had realized he could do nothing but accede to the wish of my elder brother. My brother had been in a couple of relationships before. But this one was different. He had decided to marry this woman and wouldn't take a no for an answer.
The demand had caused a huge uproar in the family. Heated arguments between my brother and parents had become a daily routine and none of the sides were prepared to give in. Relatives tried with all their might to find a common ground but all their efforts went down the drain. Tension prevailed in the house during this drama, with shouts echoing off its walls every now and then. Mom was often found weeping in a corner while dad barely spoke to anyone. My brother, on the other hand, used to spend his days away from home coming back only at night time. Being a fifteen-year-old, I was deemed ineligible by my family to experience this crisis and often found myself locked in my room. But I was well aware of what level of turmoil my family was in and equally felt the pain of it breaking apart. All this went on for almost a month coming to an end with my father capitulating to the demand set forth but disallowing my brother to bring his wife-to-be home. They eventually got married and he left the house to live with her separately. An air of gloominess endured following this tragedy. "Everything is going to be just fine" my sister used to say in a bid to comfort me. But I knew that was too good to be true. The sight of my father on the wedding day, lying motionless on the couch and staring into nothingness with a face that of helpless person was enough to make me realize that things won't ever be the same again.
Dragging me out of my comfort zone, the misfortune instilled a sense of responsibility in me. I knew that the only way I could fill the void left by my brother was to prioritize my education over everything and strive for success. This meant I had to sacrifice my most valuable things including time and sleep and that has been the case ever since. Moreover, it developed wisdom in me forcing me to follow my head instead of my heart. Questions like "Will it effect those around me?" and "Will it benefit me in the long term?" started flooding my mind when faced with a tough decision. I had started taking part in family discussions, presenting my views which now were welcomed by them. However, toughening me up mentally was the best outcome. Unexpected low grades and losses in sports were no more a source of heartbreak to me but rather a learning opportunity and preaching this to those around me had become one of my top priorities.
It was not at all an easy task to find my feet following this unfortunate incident. At an age many kids are worried about their grades and homework only, I had encountered my worst nightmare. But coping up with such tribulation and that too at a young age prepared me for the inevitable disappointments and failures in future and taught me that after every storm comes a rainbow. It proved to be a blessing in disguise, transforming a weak-willed, uninterested boy into a wise, ambitious man. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Please check the grammar, the tone as well as the flow of the essay.
Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
"She can never set foot in my house" choked my father as he wearily walked out of the room. He had realized he could do nothing but accede to the wish of my elder brother. My brother had been in a couple of relationships before. But this one was different. He had decided to marry this woman and wouldn't take a no for an answer.
The demand had caused a huge uproar in the family. Heated arguments between my brother and parents had become a daily routine and none of the sides were prepared to give in. Relatives tried with all their might to find a common ground but all their efforts went down the drain. Tension prevailed in the house during this drama, with shouts echoing off its walls every now and then. Mom was often found weeping in a corner while dad barely spoke to anyone. My brother, on the other hand, used to spend his days away from home coming back only at night time. Being a fifteen-year-old, I was deemed ineligible by my family to experience this crisis and often found myself locked in my room. But I was well aware of what level of turmoil my family was in and equally felt the pain of it breaking apart. All this went on for almost a month coming to an end with my father capitulating to the demand set forth but disallowing my brother to bring his wife-to-be home. They eventually got married and he left the house to live with her separately. An air of gloominess endured following this tragedy. "Everything is going to be just fine" my sister used to say in a bid to comfort me. But I knew that was too good to be true. The sight of my father on the wedding day, lying motionless on the couch and staring into nothingness with a face that of helpless person was enough to make me realize that things won't ever be the same again.
Dragging me out of my comfort zone, the misfortune instilled a sense of responsibility in me. I knew that the only way I could fill the void left by my brother was to prioritize my education over everything and strive for success. This meant I had to sacrifice my most valuable things including time and sleep and that has been the case ever since. Moreover, it developed wisdom in me forcing me to follow my head instead of my heart. Questions like "Will it effect those around me?" and "Will it benefit me in the long term?" started flooding my mind when faced with a tough decision. I had started taking part in family discussions, presenting my views which now were welcomed by them. However, toughening me up mentally was the best outcome. Unexpected low grades and losses in sports were no more a source of heartbreak to me but rather a learning opportunity and preaching this to those around me had become one of my top priorities.
It was not at all an easy task to find my feet following this unfortunate incident. At an age many kids are worried about their grades and homework only, I had encountered my worst nightmare. But coping up with such tribulation and that too at a young age prepared me for the inevitable disappointments and failures in future and taught me that after every storm comes a rainbow. It proved to be a blessing in disguise, transforming a weak-willed, uninterested boy into a wise, ambitious man. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
