nguyenngochuyen
Nov 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts academic writing task 2: What is an ideal society? How people can achieve it? [4]
I'm learning Ielts on my own. Can anyone who took the test already give me some estimated band scores I can get for this essay? I'd appreciate if you could mark it on 4 critirion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion,
lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy.
Throughout history, people have dreamed about perfect society, but they have not agreed what an ideal society is. What do you think the most important elements to have perfect society in the modern world? How people can achieve an ideal society?
People have different views about what and how society can be ideal. I think there are some significant factors that lead to the perfection of society, and people need to act to build an exemplar society.
A perfect society can be associated with various elements. Firstly, a standard society is where all people have access to relevant education in order to seek for a good job that suits them most. Because education gives people knowledge and skills, those with qualifications are more likely to work easily. This helps to decrease the unemployment rate and contributes to a wealthier society. Secondly, people's health should be one of the top priorities of both governments and citizens. Since science and technology are well-developed in this modern world, it is possible for people to come up with new remedies for uncured diseases. Additionally, a place where homeless people are provided with accommodation and underprivileged children have opportunities to go to school normally is worth looking for.
However, feasible measures need to be taken to make a favourable society become more realistic. The government can run several campaigns to raise public awareness about the importance of education. For instance, many educational talks aimed at students studying at school by motivational speakers are held annually by the local council, which can encourage and keep youngsters motivated to pursue their chosen career path. Besides, individuals are responsible for paying enough taxes to the governments. This allows the authorities to spend money on key sectors such as education, healthcare, public transport and infrastructure. New and strict laws also need to be introduced by the bodies to control offenders who are threatened to residents' lives, ones that commit crimes should be heavily fined to deter others.
In conclusion, I believe that an ideal society can be gained if both governments and individuals put much their effort together in creating a greater life.
I'm learning Ielts on my own. Can anyone who took the test already give me some estimated band scores I can get for this essay? I'd appreciate if you could mark it on 4 critirion in writing task 2: task achievement, coherence and cohesion,
lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy.
Throughout history, people have dreamed about perfect society, but they have not agreed what an ideal society is. What do you think the most important elements to have perfect society in the modern world? How people can achieve an ideal society?
People have different views about what and how society can be ideal. I think there are some significant factors that lead to the perfection of society, and people need to act to build an exemplar society.
A perfect society can be associated with various elements. Firstly, a standard society is where all people have access to relevant education in order to seek for a good job that suits them most. Because education gives people knowledge and skills, those with qualifications are more likely to work easily. This helps to decrease the unemployment rate and contributes to a wealthier society. Secondly, people's health should be one of the top priorities of both governments and citizens. Since science and technology are well-developed in this modern world, it is possible for people to come up with new remedies for uncured diseases. Additionally, a place where homeless people are provided with accommodation and underprivileged children have opportunities to go to school normally is worth looking for.
However, feasible measures need to be taken to make a favourable society become more realistic. The government can run several campaigns to raise public awareness about the importance of education. For instance, many educational talks aimed at students studying at school by motivational speakers are held annually by the local council, which can encourage and keep youngsters motivated to pursue their chosen career path. Besides, individuals are responsible for paying enough taxes to the governments. This allows the authorities to spend money on key sectors such as education, healthcare, public transport and infrastructure. New and strict laws also need to be introduced by the bodies to control offenders who are threatened to residents' lives, ones that commit crimes should be heavily fined to deter others.
In conclusion, I believe that an ideal society can be gained if both governments and individuals put much their effort together in creating a greater life.
