james170499
Dec 13, 2016
Undergraduate / Essay for Undergraduate Admission Application: "A Break Up to Remember" [6]
Hello there! I'm a new member of this forum and am in need of your help. In a few days, I have to submit an essay to one of my target universities. Please kindly provide feedback and corrections as much you please. Also, if you that think my essay might have strayed a little off topic, please tell me XD Thank you in advance!
This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is of relevance to the course that you are applying for at the university.
As there is only limited space (2000 characters), you are encouraged to present your ideas in focused and thoughtful manner.
It was near the end of the year 2014, just a few days before Christmas. I sat on my bed, anxiously waiting for a response from my then girlfriend. It wasn't long until it arrived - the thing we millennial lovebirds dread the most - the breakup text. It struck me harder than a truck hitting a kangaroo in the middle of the Australian outback. For the first time in my life, I was coerced into self-introspection. For days, I could not stop thinking about what I had, had not, and could have done to have preserved the relationship. But then, something else struck me, and this time it was more like a slap to the face; an epiphany.
All I'd ever done up to that point in my life were dreaming without doing, asking without seeking, continuously asking "what if?" when I should have been asking "why not?". For too long I had stayed comfortably tucked in my comfort zone, it was time for a change. And on New Year's Eve, I made myself a promise; to make 2015 MY year, the year I finally make a name of myself.
This self-given task of mine proved daunting at first, for I didn't know where to start. But it didn't take long for me to find my way.
Concertmaster of my local ensemble, president of my school's student council, winning various academic and non-academic competitions, the list goes on. I was surprised with what I had achieved in such a short period of time, but like Lindt's 70% dark chocolate, it wasn't all sweet. A lot of my endeavors were met with failure, and for someone who's trying to figure out his place in the world, it was hard. But I learnt to not be drowned in constant self-pity; I picked myself up and went for it again, always keeping my goal in mind.
And now, reaching the end of 2016, I face a new endeavor, a challenge I have yet to overcome; university admissions. I hope through this essay you now have an idea about who I am, and have gained an insight to my personality. I believe, through my experiences, I will add a unique perspective to campus life in *****.
Hello there! I'm a new member of this forum and am in need of your help. In a few days, I have to submit an essay to one of my target universities. Please kindly provide feedback and corrections as much you please. Also, if you that think my essay might have strayed a little off topic, please tell me XD Thank you in advance!
This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is of relevance to the course that you are applying for at the university.
As there is only limited space (2000 characters), you are encouraged to present your ideas in focused and thoughtful manner.
It was near the end of the year 2014, just a few days before Christmas. I sat on my bed, anxiously waiting for a response from my then girlfriend. It wasn't long until it arrived - the thing we millennial lovebirds dread the most - the breakup text. It struck me harder than a truck hitting a kangaroo in the middle of the Australian outback. For the first time in my life, I was coerced into self-introspection. For days, I could not stop thinking about what I had, had not, and could have done to have preserved the relationship. But then, something else struck me, and this time it was more like a slap to the face; an epiphany.
All I'd ever done up to that point in my life were dreaming without doing, asking without seeking, continuously asking "what if?" when I should have been asking "why not?". For too long I had stayed comfortably tucked in my comfort zone, it was time for a change. And on New Year's Eve, I made myself a promise; to make 2015 MY year, the year I finally make a name of myself.
This self-given task of mine proved daunting at first, for I didn't know where to start. But it didn't take long for me to find my way.
Concertmaster of my local ensemble, president of my school's student council, winning various academic and non-academic competitions, the list goes on. I was surprised with what I had achieved in such a short period of time, but like Lindt's 70% dark chocolate, it wasn't all sweet. A lot of my endeavors were met with failure, and for someone who's trying to figure out his place in the world, it was hard. But I learnt to not be drowned in constant self-pity; I picked myself up and went for it again, always keeping my goal in mind.
And now, reaching the end of 2016, I face a new endeavor, a challenge I have yet to overcome; university admissions. I hope through this essay you now have an idea about who I am, and have gained an insight to my personality. I believe, through my experiences, I will add a unique perspective to campus life in *****.
