kzhang7498
Jan 2, 2017
Undergraduate / High School Fair - Extracurricular Activity Supplement [7]
@Holt @everyone else
thanks for the feedback!
here is my revised version
As the finance coordinator of the Relay for Life Committee in my school, I help organize events to raise money for the American Cancer Society. After my grandfather passed away from cancer, I decided to join RFL in the hope of helping others who are affected by the disease.
Initially, I had few leadership and communication skills. I did not have experience leading a team and was shy when talking to a large audience. But I gradually learned to combine the ideas of my committee members as I communicated my vision for fundraisers in order to reach our goal of $20,000. Although I experienced some failures in planning and implementing events, I learned how to plan more effective fundraisers as the year progressed. From the RFL experience, I was able to develop my leadership skills, improve my public speaking skills, help my community, and honor my grandfather's fight. (148 words)
im using this for prompts that have a word limit of 150 words, but some colleges require at least 150 words
i'm not sure what else to add, any feedback on how I can expand more?
@Holt @everyone else
thanks for the feedback!
here is my revised version
As the finance coordinator of the Relay for Life Committee in my school, I help organize events to raise money for the American Cancer Society. After my grandfather passed away from cancer, I decided to join RFL in the hope of helping others who are affected by the disease.
Initially, I had few leadership and communication skills. I did not have experience leading a team and was shy when talking to a large audience. But I gradually learned to combine the ideas of my committee members as I communicated my vision for fundraisers in order to reach our goal of $20,000. Although I experienced some failures in planning and implementing events, I learned how to plan more effective fundraisers as the year progressed. From the RFL experience, I was able to develop my leadership skills, improve my public speaking skills, help my community, and honor my grandfather's fight. (148 words)
im using this for prompts that have a word limit of 150 words, but some colleges require at least 150 words
i'm not sure what else to add, any feedback on how I can expand more?
