Posts by ShriZohn

ShriZohn

Dec 28, 2016

Undergraduate / Satisfaction in the old lady's face. Essay on a person who has influenced you in a significant way [3]

@angeli6778
Thank you so much for your review! I am applying to Princeton undecided. So, I did not include the field. Should I include a specific one?

ShriZohn

Dec 28, 2016

Undergraduate / The one particular friend. College Essay for Virginia Tech. [3]

Hi meinhouston! I am not an expert editor. But, seeing your essay from a layman's point of view, it looks a bit compact. I think it would be a bit pleasing to the eye if you broke it down to a couple of paragraphs. For instance, you can break at this point, "However, I had failed..."

Also, you could perhaps use some more and different connecting words.

Anyway, I like the idea of your essay. You have explained a selfless motive by an example of your friend.

\But, another suggestion, I think you should elaborate on the 'why?' part of the question. You have only entered a few lines. And, I think you should expand on that.

Please keep in mind that my views may not be relevant. But, I hope that my review may help you a little!!

ShriZohn

Dec 28, 2016

Undergraduate / Satisfaction in the old lady's face. Essay on a person who has influenced you in a significant way [3]

Hi Guys! Could you please help me review my Princeton Supplement?

Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way.

It's the look of satisfaction in the old lady's face

It's the look of satisfaction in the old lady's face that I remember with perfect lucidity. The gleam of kindness and contentment in her eyes....unforgettable!

I remember waiting desperately for a bus home. I had been in a party with my friends and it was already very late. That's when my eyes fell on an old lady shambling around at the side of the road. Her gnarled hands, naked feet, and tattered clothing led me to assume that she was a beggar. She sat down and cupped her hands; a request for some food or money. As I watched, a man came out from a nearby restaurant and handed, or rather threw a burnt piece of 'chapatti'. Just then, an ill-looking dog came staggering towards me. I shooed the dog away in disgust. It scampered to the lady and collapsed at her feet. The next thing she did was totally unexpected. Instead of eating all of chapatti herself, she tore a large piece and gave it to the dog!

I was really taken aback. The old lady had finally gotten a morsel of food. But, she'd shared it with a dog! And, that with a look of extreme contentment and pleasure! I was so dazed by the old lady's actions that I missed the last bus home and had to walk all the way back. I couldn't contemplate how a lady, who was in such a dismal condition herself, acted so selflessly. And, then my thoughts turned towards my own inactivity. Despite being much capable, I had done nothing to help the dog or the lady. The thought of aiding them had not even subconsciously crossed my mind.

I thought about that incident the whole way home. That's when I realized that my actions weren't unfounded. I had done so not because I lacked sympathy or humanity, but because I had grown up ignoring them. Ever since I was a child I was taught by my elders to ignore beggars. Our greedy nature caused us to be so selfish. This self-centered habit had etched into my conscience and shown itself in my teenage years. After all, a person's actions are based on how he or she is raised as a child. Once a habit sets, we usually do not stop to consider why we are doing so. If we do, we are powerless to sway others to do the same. And we are all back to square one.

The old lady's actions changed the perspective with which I viewed this world. If someone who is in a dire condition herself can selflessly feed a dog, then why can't we, who are much capable of helping, do so? I always had selfish reasons for all that I did. But after this event, a kind of altruistic motive engendered in my life. I really wanted to do something for the benefit of others, human or animals. And, so I did. I started helping as many people as I could. I saved my lunch money and bought some food for the people who begged their way through life. I even started caring for starving dogs that I encountered anywhere.

In fact, the old lady's actions even impacted my future ambition. I changed my career path from one beneficial to me, to one where I could help make changes in the world. Instead of pursuing a profession only for my monetary benefit, I intend to study the field that will allow me to continue my humanitarian activities.

It doesn't necessarily mean that we are influenced only by someone we know very well. Sometimes the ones who influence us are unknown to us. But, they influence us in ways that are not easily quantified. The old lady that I happened to come across had not even uttered a word. But, she has impacted my life drastically. She has taught me a lesson on true humanity.

Thanks!