mf983
Aug 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Who I Want To Be> Undergraduate Admissions, Personal Statement [7]
"Instead of reasoning with Mrs. Arc after class, I plotted to teach her a lesson."
This sentence shows that there was an alternative to what you did to your teacher that would probably have been better. I understand that you used this essay to show that she had a good attitude about it, and that influenced you, but I don't think including sentences such as "That night, like robbers busting a bank," and "trying to claim a piece of the prize." are things that should be emphasized too much since they don't show you in a good light.
"Instead of reasoning with Mrs. Arc after class, I plotted to teach her a lesson."
This sentence shows that there was an alternative to what you did to your teacher that would probably have been better. I understand that you used this essay to show that she had a good attitude about it, and that influenced you, but I don't think including sentences such as "That night, like robbers busting a bank," and "trying to claim a piece of the prize." are things that should be emphasized too much since they don't show you in a good light.