Writing Feedback / Consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. [6]

Hello! @drjanck
Your essay is good but one piece of advice is to eliminate, "In this essay, I will give the overview of both sides." and "I believe" because it makes your essay weak. It's always a bad idea to say what you are going to talk about. Instead try to write something like, "Consumerism brings both advantages and disadvantages because it helps create jobs but simultaneously creates greediness." And take off "I believe" all together its better to state something rather than say your opinion unless it asks for it:)