Writing Feedback / IELTS Practice task 2 - History education and its importance [3]

Hello! I am practicing to take IELTS test and I am of necessity for any helps related to writing. Please take a look and I really appreciate any of your comments

Topic: "It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

Local history vs world history

People have valued role of local history than that of the world; therefore, it is argued to be taught predominantly at school. In my opinion, I disagree with this statement and advocate for the same importance between them.

Studying the local history is surely indispensable part of school curriculum. The reason is that historical knowledge paves a way to patriotism, which must be established from little understanding of what happened in the past, how hometown changed over time and so on. Since then, people's hearts have blossomed with their pride of origin and desire of sovereignty protection. Additionally, domestic historical acquisition may serve as a middle man to call for people's contribution. Hardy people does build up their hometown when they have no local sympathetic. Once people heartedly know about where they were born, they get ready to invest to develop their motherland at any costs.

From another angle, world history should share the same significance with the former. Knowledge about world equips people with more well-rounded perspectives of life. For example, lessons of World War explicitly reminds us of peace's value and understanding of Feminism encourages people to protest against Gender discrimination and abuse. By and large, these kinds of knowledge would enhance people's mind related to various corners of life. Furthermore, looking at the world historically benefits people in their integration process. There is no doubt that future enrolers prefer those who get themselves ready with world background. Hence, students who accumulate a particular field at early age would possess a golden selling point to turn themselves an internationally integrated citizen.

In conclusion, I believe both domestic and international history are undoubtedly important. They are seemingly treated unfair when being brought into comparison because both have distinctively equal meanings not only to children but also to every single human being around the Earth