ardy_rp
Apr 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Exercise "comparation among UK student who didn't go into full-time work" [5]
Would you like to give me your correction for my essay?
I highly need your help to find my mistake, not only grammar, but also the idea.
Thank you so much :)
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Further study most popular among graduates
The diagram compares the numbers of UK's graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work after they had been graduated by university in 2008. The destination of these students, excluding full-time work, could be grouped as part-time work, voluntary work, further study, and unemployment.
Generally, there is a significant difference among those four group in each kind of students. For graduate students, further study had the greatest quantity of students nearly 30.000 students, while voluntary work only ranked last, chosen by 3.500 students. Unemployment taken by 16.235 students was roughly as high as part-time work which was 17.735 students.
Postgraduate students also selected further study as their most destination which took 2.725 students while part-time work was just below it, 2.535 students. Unemployment was in the third with 1.625 students meanwhile voluntary work ranked last, 345 students.
There was a same pattern between graduate and postgraduate student destination in no full-time work that the order from the highest to the smallest destination was further study, part-time work, unemployment, and voluntary work, nevertheless, there was also a different thing. The quantity of part time work of graduate students was near to that of unemployment. For postgraduate students, the numbers of part-time work was just over smaller than that of further study.
Would you like to give me your correction for my essay?
I highly need your help to find my mistake, not only grammar, but also the idea.
Thank you so much :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Further study most popular among graduates
The diagram compares the numbers of UK's graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work after they had been graduated by university in 2008. The destination of these students, excluding full-time work, could be grouped as part-time work, voluntary work, further study, and unemployment.
Generally, there is a significant difference among those four group in each kind of students. For graduate students, further study had the greatest quantity of students nearly 30.000 students, while voluntary work only ranked last, chosen by 3.500 students. Unemployment taken by 16.235 students was roughly as high as part-time work which was 17.735 students.
Postgraduate students also selected further study as their most destination which took 2.725 students while part-time work was just below it, 2.535 students. Unemployment was in the third with 1.625 students meanwhile voluntary work ranked last, 345 students.
There was a same pattern between graduate and postgraduate student destination in no full-time work that the order from the highest to the smallest destination was further study, part-time work, unemployment, and voluntary work, nevertheless, there was also a different thing. The quantity of part time work of graduate students was near to that of unemployment. For postgraduate students, the numbers of part-time work was just over smaller than that of further study.
