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Posts by azadsaleem71
Name: Azad Saleem
Joined: Apr 29, 2017
Last Post: Apr 30, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: pakistan
School: NUST

Displayed posts: 2
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azadsaleem71   
Apr 30, 2017
Scholarship / The road to abolish energy poverty from my country [4]

Thank you Holt. Your feedback is much appreciated. Yeah I forgot to include the prompt. A short essay - of about 500 words in English - giving reasons for applying for the OFID scholarship, explaining your educational goals, and clearly describing how you will use the experience gained from your Master's degree studies to help in the development of your home country.

Can you please now analyse my essay if it is responding to the prompt? Another thing that I am not sure about is that I have not mentioned much about my educational background. Do I need to include that too or this can still work?
azadsaleem71   
Apr 29, 2017
Scholarship / The road to abolish energy poverty from my country [4]

I need your help to improve my essay for a scholarship program. I am also finding it difficult to restrict my essay to the described word limit i.e. 500 words. My essay has 700 words.

energy deficiency in pakistan



As a child I always fantasized about saving the world one day when it will be at the brink of destruction and I would be able to build a machine that will save the human race. My predilection for innovation and to contribute to this world was the main reason I choose mechanical engineering.

Since I have opened up my eyes, I have seen Pakistan crushed in the hands of energy deficiency. The political instability in Pakistan has impeded the development of long term and large-scale energy projects. Ad-hocism has continued unabated till today. The tormenting effects of energy poverty extends to every aspect of life and every part of the society. Waiting in line for a whole night every week to get gas for my car, preparing for my exams in candle light due to 12-18 hours of electricity load shedding in summers, unable to cook and eat and sleeping in a cold room due to gas load shedding that extends up 22 hours a day in winters are some of the abhorrent effects of this tribulation that I have myself experienced and has seen my people suffer from.

Albert Einstein said, "The world is a dangerous place, not because of the people who are evil, but because of them who don't do anything about it." As an educated young individual, these observations and experiences have engendered a sense of responsibility in me towards my people and country and my engineering background and inclination towards innovation has invigorated the ambitions in me to tackle this problem with innovative solutions. I want to work as an entrepreneur or with an organization like USAID or Pakistan Council of Renewable Energy Technologies and develop small scale energy solutions on regional level suited to the geography and natural resources of different regions of Pakistan. The projects I want the most to work on are efficient bio gas plants for my hometown and as it is the hub of livestock and rich in stock feed and small scale run-off-the-river hydroelectric plants for different villages of Pakistan.

A master's degree in mechanical engineering with research focus on sustainable energy solutions from a world class institute, under the mentorship of distinguished faculty in a high tech research facility will not only provide me the opportunity to design and developed effective solutions that correspond to the need of Pakistan but will also prepare me to take on challenges to vanquish energy poverty and lead my country to the dawn of development.

University of South Florida is my top priority because of its focus on research, quality of education and its affordability. Hailing from a middle class family and being the eldest of my siblings, my family is only able to support my education for one year. My master's program is for two years and that is where OFID can help me fulfill my dream. I don't want to be a part of OFID just for the sake of scholarship for my master's degree. I want to be a part of OFID's objective to abolish energy poverty throughout my career and I will want OFID's collaboration in materializing my passion and my projects. I have a firm faith in myself that through me, OFID will be able to bring a positive change in many lives.

While writing this essay, siting on my table, drenched in sweat without a fan with temperature above 45°C and no electricity for the past 4 hours, there is nothing I want more than an opportunity to change these abominable conditions and save my people and future generations from the misery of energy poverty. I have been suggested by many not to pursue such phantasmagorical career goals and to just concentrate on my job and earnings. But I want to be part of a bigger picture. The financial shackles and the discouragements have not deterred me from my goals but instead have filled me with more ardor to think beyond my life and be a difference maker for my nation. I want to be able to tell my future generations that I have played my part in making this country and this world a better place for you to live in.
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