Posts by albertsimonvn [Suspended]

albertsimonvn

Jul 23, 2017

Writing Feedback / Is punishment necessary to help children learn distinction what's right or wrong? [5]

I think there are several mistakes that i can point out for you.
Firstly, you haven't stated your opinion clearly in the introduction, thus, you may lose points in terms of task completion . My advice is to show your agreement or disagreement at the beginning of your essay.

Secondly, you should follow the construction of a proper essay which includes the opening, the 2 paragraphs containing your ideas and illustration to your answer and the conclusion in which you will summarize the discussion and rewrite your opinion.

Thirdly,there are problems with your end marks, you should know where to put them and should not use them when the sentence itself is not fully meaningful . Not to mention your sentence is quite short sometimes due to the misuse of your end marks. You can try to combine the 2 short sentences into a lengthy one. This not only helps you practice linking words and ideas but also makes your essay more concise and fluent.

Cheer.

albertsimonvn

Jul 12, 2017

Writing Feedback / We can not help everyone in the world that needs help... [2]

We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Prioritize most important issues

Nowadays, many people have problems with discrimination, poverty and health care... so receiving help from others is very precious to them. From my point of view, I disagree with the idea that we should not help people in other countries since those problems still exist in our own society.

Although only one person cannot manage to deal with every problems of other people from the rest of the world, co-operation of many individuals can create enough strength to tackle global issues,and that helps promote not only particular country but also the entire society. There is many counterexample against the notion that one cannot break national boundaries to help neighbours and fellow citizens. Take Nelson Mandela as an example, he is though to be a failure before succeeding in abolishing the racial prejudice and fighting for justice with the help of the color community and soon became a symbol of peace to South African people and also residents who live beyond his national border.

As a consequence of globalization , considering the purpose of a nation to be a priority can only separate itself from others. Instead of that, our dedication and contribution should reach the common goals at an international level in an attempt to achieve sustainable development. For instance, poverty tends to appear more in developing countries so it is a responsibility for governments from developed nations to come up with a measure that helps the poor raise their living standard regardless of nationality. Besides, most of the social issues do not belong to any specific country so it is our duty to help each other for the sake of a better world.

In conclusion, I believe even if we are not able to help everyone in the world who are in need, it is selfish of us to only care for people nearby where we are living.