casetro311
Aug 31, 2009
Undergraduate / George Washington University- Transfer Student Admissions Essay [7]
Hello,
This is a rough draft of my admissions essay. I'd like some feedback on the content and if the wording is awkward...actually all feedback is welcome.
Thanks.
Tell us in approximately 500 words why at this point in your academic or professional career you would like to transfer to GW?
My life is a journey. I believe that. There are always going to be obstacles along the way but I must push forward, never stop. I honestly can't say that I had considered George Washington University an "obstacle" along the way but I didn't think the Marine Corps was either. The traits I developed and the lessons I learned as a Marine has made me who I am today. Honor, courage, commitment, discipline, integrity and judgment were actions exemplified by the Marines I served with. It wasn't easy but what I learned gave me the tools I need to succeed in life. If the Marine Corps was an "obstacle", it has been the most rewarding one yet. I received an Honorable Discharge on June 18th of this year and am now working as a contractor for the Defense Intelligence Agency. I could settle for this, but I want more. This spring I'm seeking to become a student at George Washington University.
As a student, I would like to pursue a Bachelor of Business Administration degree concentrating on information systems. I am currently working in the information technology field as a network engineer. I enjoy my work, however I'd like to move towards management. Because GW is located in the heart of our nation's capitol, and minutes away from the region's IT corridor, as a student I'd have access to some of the best internships in my field. Given the opportunity, I could open many doors as a graduate from GW.
There are many extracurricular activities that interest me as well. Because GW puts such an emphasis on leadership, service, community and student organizations, you stand out as a unique and inviting opportunity. As a Marine I was active in many community programs. It was encouraged and rewarding for us to volunteer... it made us better leaders. I've been looking for a school that I can get involved with and learn from, not just to earn a degree, but to build on skills that will guide me in life. As a student at GW, one of my goals would be to continue practicing solid management and leadership skills through my work in the student government, various student organizations and as a volunteer.
I can sum up my thoughts by saying that GW is a great school and this is a huge opportunity for me. Without your participation in the "Yellow Ribbon Program" I don't think applying to GW would have been practical. Now I feel there are more opportunities to achieve my ambitions. I'm focused more then ever on finishing an education that will allow me to more effectively contribute something back to society. Because of your emphasis on leadership and producing leaders for tomorrow, through your curriculum and community, I feel that this will be a thorough academic experience for me while I earn my degree. f my life is a journey and I seek to be an extraordinary person, I have many more challenges to face. I'm ready to continue this journey and am hopeful that my path leads through George Washington University, an institute that will help prepare me to face those challenges.
Hello,
This is a rough draft of my admissions essay. I'd like some feedback on the content and if the wording is awkward...actually all feedback is welcome.
Thanks.
Tell us in approximately 500 words why at this point in your academic or professional career you would like to transfer to GW?
My life is a journey. I believe that. There are always going to be obstacles along the way but I must push forward, never stop. I honestly can't say that I had considered George Washington University an "obstacle" along the way but I didn't think the Marine Corps was either. The traits I developed and the lessons I learned as a Marine has made me who I am today. Honor, courage, commitment, discipline, integrity and judgment were actions exemplified by the Marines I served with. It wasn't easy but what I learned gave me the tools I need to succeed in life. If the Marine Corps was an "obstacle", it has been the most rewarding one yet. I received an Honorable Discharge on June 18th of this year and am now working as a contractor for the Defense Intelligence Agency. I could settle for this, but I want more. This spring I'm seeking to become a student at George Washington University.
As a student, I would like to pursue a Bachelor of Business Administration degree concentrating on information systems. I am currently working in the information technology field as a network engineer. I enjoy my work, however I'd like to move towards management. Because GW is located in the heart of our nation's capitol, and minutes away from the region's IT corridor, as a student I'd have access to some of the best internships in my field. Given the opportunity, I could open many doors as a graduate from GW.
There are many extracurricular activities that interest me as well. Because GW puts such an emphasis on leadership, service, community and student organizations, you stand out as a unique and inviting opportunity. As a Marine I was active in many community programs. It was encouraged and rewarding for us to volunteer... it made us better leaders. I've been looking for a school that I can get involved with and learn from, not just to earn a degree, but to build on skills that will guide me in life. As a student at GW, one of my goals would be to continue practicing solid management and leadership skills through my work in the student government, various student organizations and as a volunteer.
I can sum up my thoughts by saying that GW is a great school and this is a huge opportunity for me. Without your participation in the "Yellow Ribbon Program" I don't think applying to GW would have been practical. Now I feel there are more opportunities to achieve my ambitions. I'm focused more then ever on finishing an education that will allow me to more effectively contribute something back to society. Because of your emphasis on leadership and producing leaders for tomorrow, through your curriculum and community, I feel that this will be a thorough academic experience for me while I earn my degree. f my life is a journey and I seek to be an extraordinary person, I have many more challenges to face. I'm ready to continue this journey and am hopeful that my path leads through George Washington University, an institute that will help prepare me to face those challenges.
