wanghaoyun
Jul 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing: whether young adults should be indepent from the family [2]
Hi, Everyone.
This is my writing practice for the TOEFL exam. I will greatly appreciate your help if you could help me correct my mistakes in the article.
TOEFL writing questions:
Some adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?
Currently, there is a widely observed phenomenon that some young adults choose to live with their families for a longer time. However, in my opinion, young adults should seek independence from their families as soon as possible.
First of all, being independent as early as possible can equip young adults with the ability to survive in the world. The world is becoming more and more competitive so that one cannot totally rely on his family because he will work and live independently sooner or later. The ability to survive in the world is an essential as a working man. The example of my cousin, Tom can buttress this point. He rented an apartment to live off campus and constantly sought for high paid jobs since entering college at the age of eighteen. He completely lived on his feet and never asked a penny from his family. After graduation, he was really good at dealing with all kinds of affairs, no matter how big or small. His independence from the family enables him a capacity that other young adults may not have.
Furthermore, living with the family for too long can add burden to the family. Parents ought to not guarantee their children a high level of living standards when they become adults. Staying in the family for too long can bring conflicts to the family, Let's suppose a hypothetical situation that one child stays at home with nothing to do but playing computer games all day long. His parents will be very annoyed at him because the family has to feed him while he makes no contribution to the family. It is unfair for other family members who work hard to support the family. This added burden is a disadvantage of living with the family for a long period.
In conclusion, young adults should get independence from their parents as soon as possible so that they can learn how to survive in the world and avoid adding burden to the family, which is not only good for the development of the individual but also beneficial to the family.
Hi, Everyone.
This is my writing practice for the TOEFL exam. I will greatly appreciate your help if you could help me correct my mistakes in the article.
TOEFL writing questions:
Some adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?
young adults bind to their parents
Currently, there is a widely observed phenomenon that some young adults choose to live with their families for a longer time. However, in my opinion, young adults should seek independence from their families as soon as possible.
First of all, being independent as early as possible can equip young adults with the ability to survive in the world. The world is becoming more and more competitive so that one cannot totally rely on his family because he will work and live independently sooner or later. The ability to survive in the world is an essential as a working man. The example of my cousin, Tom can buttress this point. He rented an apartment to live off campus and constantly sought for high paid jobs since entering college at the age of eighteen. He completely lived on his feet and never asked a penny from his family. After graduation, he was really good at dealing with all kinds of affairs, no matter how big or small. His independence from the family enables him a capacity that other young adults may not have.
Furthermore, living with the family for too long can add burden to the family. Parents ought to not guarantee their children a high level of living standards when they become adults. Staying in the family for too long can bring conflicts to the family, Let's suppose a hypothetical situation that one child stays at home with nothing to do but playing computer games all day long. His parents will be very annoyed at him because the family has to feed him while he makes no contribution to the family. It is unfair for other family members who work hard to support the family. This added burden is a disadvantage of living with the family for a long period.
In conclusion, young adults should get independence from their parents as soon as possible so that they can learn how to survive in the world and avoid adding burden to the family, which is not only good for the development of the individual but also beneficial to the family.
