Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Environment and Economy in the success [5]

I've just finished my essay on environment and economy. Its topic is: "Some people say that it is possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Other disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion".

Please kindly help me to point out its mistakes and what can be improved, for example the grammar, sentence structure, collocations or idioms. Which score can I get with this essay? Your comments are highly appreciated. Thank you.

critical pillars of sustainable development strategy

These days, environment and economy are 2 out of 3 critical pillars in each country's sustainable development strategy. However, a tough challenge that every government faces is how to remain the economy growth rate along with keeping the environment well-preserved. Some people believe that there is a chance for the coexistence of economic success and environment protection, but did not some others. Therefore, it is worthwhile to investigate the possibility of these two claims.

For the supporters of the idea of economic development and environment preservation harmony, they strongly believe this claim for some reasons. First of all, myriad countries have been made aware of the importance of the environment and witnessed the detrimental effects of environmental degradation, so environment protection are being given priority in national policy-making process.. Countries are struggling to build up more environment-friendly economies based on clean technololgy such as ecological tourism, renewable energy , green transportation or electric motors. Secondly, many nations have been in effort to cut down on emissions and promoted clean-energy consumption. They must adhere to commitments stated in international treaties on curbing climate change in which party nations are obligated to reduce greenhouse emissions. Last but not least, with the scientific and technological advancement, knowledge-based economy have become dominant to replace the traditional-manufacturing economy. This means that the economy aim to be more eco-friendly rather than damaging it

Those who condemn the combination of economic development and environment protection are based on the fact that nowadays, human economic activities have serious harmful impacts on the environment. For example, industries are still considerably relied on fossil fuel energy, which is the main cause of air pollution. In agriculture, the overuse of chemical fertilizers, weedkillers or pesticides leads to the contamination of land and water resources. For impoverished countries, they are not affordable to apply new technology since it requires money in huge amount and highly-qualified workforce. Moreover, tightened regulations on environment protection might hamper the business of corporations, so many jurisdictions introduce lenient rules on this issue to attract more foreign investments.

Although it takes years to build up an global environment-friendly economy, international community is involved in a common struggle to achieve this goal day by day. I strongly believe that many countries have been successful in economic growth and environment preservation and they are helping other ones to approach it. With commitments and struggles, any country can get it done.