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Posts by AdwaitM
Name: Advait
Joined: Sep 10, 2017
Last Post: Sep 10, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: India
School: Dr. Kalmadi Shamrao Highschool

Displayed posts: 2
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AdwaitM   
Sep 10, 2017
Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement - Letter to Roommate from campus - self introduction [2]

Please provide valuable feedback on this essay.

Topic:Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate-and us-know you better

rommates for the next four years



Hello Future Roommate,
I am sure you will be curious about your new roommate.
A few basics: My name is Advait Mulay, which I know is tough on your larynx. I am from India and am a bit of an introvert (until I get to know you) and I will be living in dorms for the first time in my life.

I am open to discussion on any topic under the sun, from climate change to the new Star Wars movie. Speaking of movies, I am a huge movie buff. Any movie, right from animated ones to war movies are cool with me.

I have a few quirks like most people do. For instance, I tend to burst into songs at totally random moments. So don't be alarmed if you hear a few bars of Indian songs deep into the night. I am a night person. So don't be surprised to see me crawl into bed after completing a paper or a really thick novel on a Sunday morning. I must also inform you that I am a sloppy guy. Do not be overwhelmed by the mess of books, clothes and pizza boxes. Another thing I must warn you about is the relentless barrage of corny and weak jokes you will have to endure whenever we are in the same room. As you may have observed, I am quite adaptable and do not mind sprouts instead of cheeseburgers. So I am not very concerned about any odd habits you may have.I assure you that I will be a helpful and cooperative roommate and hopefully you will be the same.

I am really looking forward to meeting you in person. Here is to the hope that we can keep the fun alive for the next four years.

Advait.
AdwaitM   
Sep 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / Cement manufacturing. Essay about diagrams. English learner. [4]

I like the concise way you have put it.
A few points where I felt you could be clearer:
THE GIVEN DIAGRAMS DEPICTS .... are you sure that this is the purpose of construction?

It should be ' Limestone and clay are crushed into powder'

THE PROCEDURES NEED 5 AND 1 ...
It is better to form separate sentences as it makes reading and understanding easy.
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