Undergraduate / Common App Essay: I'm Human (topic of your choice) [3]

Please provide some feedback for my commonapp essay. Thanks!!!! :)

creative, social, brave, compassionate, hard-working and strong human being

I cry, I whine, and I argue. I wake my mom up when she's napping on the sofa, pleading her to cook me some pasta. I bicker with my sister over why she stole the bigger half of the sandwich. I make ludicrous, childish noises to irk my family at the dinner table. I continuously pester my friends at the movies until they've heard the phrase "what's happening now" at least twenty times. I arrive at parties after the cake has been cut. I cause a ruckus and gripe when my mom asks for a family picture at the beach because I'm busy playing volleyball. I camouflage in my sister's closet and bolt out yelling "boo" as she enters. I'm an anomaly, but I'm only human.

I'm human, and I'm creative. In fourth grade, I founded Ultimatum, in which I programmed web browsers and open-window operating systems; boy, I was obsessed with making money. I compose my own music. I amaze crowds at parties as I transform five single dollar bills into five hundreds. I bring printouts full of logarithms and derivatives when I'm at Denny's with friends, not because it's homework, but because I adore math. I write limericks about chickens drinking soup just because I can.

I'm human, and I'm social. I sneak out of the house after midnight and drive to Twin Peaks with friends. I go to parties every two weeks and dance until I can no longer stand. I am called the "cling magnet" because of all the people that follow me around. I smile and introduce myself to New Yorkers at DECA conferences, ambitious to expand my social network. I watch the dazzling sunset while blasting Ed Sheeran's new album with friends.

I'm human, and I'm brave. I ride the ski lift that hoists me to the double-black diamond slopes after not skiing for two years. I swim two miles from San Francisco to Alcatraz because I'm keen on the thrill. I stand in an operating room moments before a conscious, screeching woman is about to get her leg amputated. I'm fearless and courageous, ready to face Y2K, an alien coup d'etat, or a tarantula.

I'm human, and I'm compassionate. I comfort friends who are suicidal and assure that everything will be okay. I puff up my cheeks and smile to cheer my sister up when she's upset. I call my grandpa every week to ensure his well-being. I hug my mom before I sleep each night and articulate the three simple, yet dignified words: "I love you." I teach underprivileged children guitar for free because it's the right thing to do.

I'm human, and I'm hard-working. I don't leave the house till I check off my to-do list. I sit in the aisles of Safeway to learn about the immune system because Starbucks is closed and I can't concentrate at home. I anxiously wait for my parents to leave the house so I can blast my electric guitar, desperate to learn "Here Comes the Sun." I commit 100-percent into everything, whether it's practicing for the SAT, learning a new ultimate frisbee move, vacuuming the house, or even gelling my hair.

I'm human, and I'm strong. I stand up for Johnny who's getting bullied in PE class because it doesn't matter if he's disabled. I laugh when people call my unibrow a caterpillar. I boldly and calmly take initiative when I'm home alone with my grandma, who's seizing on the floor and experiencing a heart attack. I remain placid when my dad darts out the door in anger because I know everything will be okay.

Sure, I cry, whine, and argue, but I'm only human. Each of my flaws is an even greater strength. I'm creative, social, brave, compassionate, hard-working, and strong - and that's how I achieve a healthy, balanced, and enjoyable lifestyle.

I'm human, and I am who I am.