Writing Feedback / Parent should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. [7]

Question:

Parents should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose path they like.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

career path choice

Answer:

Children must not be force by their parents when choosing a specific career. They should be free to decide the profession they want. I strongly agree that children should not be pressure and free to decide path they desire, therefore they need to be considerate towards their parents.

Some parents, particularly professionals usually demand their children to follow their steps. These kind of attitude put a lot of stress to their children's mind and their relationship. For instance, when a parents are both doctors or lawyers, they simply assume that their son or daughter will pursue the same career. As a result, children do not want to disappoint their parents are pressured and forced to follow their path, even though they are not completely motivated or perhaps have another job they want. These will also lead children to blame their parents when the times they cannot success with the job that their parents chosen for them.

Young people must be free when it comes to selecting career. Parents may be the one who will support them financially, however the decision should be lean on their children's own choice. Despite the freedom that may be given to them, young people should open-up and communicate well to their parents. They must explain to their mother and father and let them understand the reason behind their decision to pursue different profession instead. Perhaps, their parents will support them in the path they decided to chase.

In conclusion, parents should support and guide their children when choosing career rather than pressuring them. Hence, young people must be considerate enough to let their parents to understand and accept the path they decide for themselves.

Hi... I'm preparing for IELTS exam. Please someone review this essay. Please point out what I've done wrong and what must I do to improve my writing. I'm not good in grammar and using wide range of vocabulary. I'm still learning English. Thank you *_*

250+ words.