ariesfathullah
Oct 12, 2017
Scholarship / My vision into the reality. Chevening: leadership and influence essay [6]
Zaheen, the first glaring thing from your essay is the lack of period. It was as though your paragraph is a single long winded sentence, which may make it difficult for the reader to get your main point.
I feel that throughout your essay, it doesn't convey your networking skills enough. You can expand the 2nd paragraph to further improve your essay. How did you know these people? Listing a few cases/stories of your startup work that connect with the organizations and communities will surely help to convey your networking skill.
Lastly, your closing paragraph didn't show about how you can use your networking skills to influence the community. It also lacks an explanation about how would you will engage with the Chevening community upon your arrival.
Zaheen, the first glaring thing from your essay is the lack of period. It was as though your paragraph is a single long winded sentence, which may make it difficult for the reader to get your main point.
I feel that throughout your essay, it doesn't convey your networking skills enough. You can expand the 2nd paragraph to further improve your essay. How did you know these people? Listing a few cases/stories of your startup work that connect with the organizations and communities will surely help to convey your networking skill.
Lastly, your closing paragraph didn't show about how you can use your networking skills to influence the community. It also lacks an explanation about how would you will engage with the Chevening community upon your arrival.