Writing Feedback / Essay Recounting a "Moment In Time" [5]

The prompt was to write an essay in which you recount a moment in time. It has to be a detailed and specific moment rather than an event. My professor wants to be able to feel, see, touch, taste, or hear anything that was involved. Feel free to critique the essay and provide ways to improve it. This is what I wrote . . .

October is typically a month of exciting celebrations and hectic, last minute planning for that perfect Halloween costume. Children spend their time frolicking in a heap of dried leaves, pouncing on one another as they burrow deeper and deeper into the moist center of the pile. Laughter coupled with the scent of a cool, fresh breeze fill the air while children bounce around with their friends, tuning out the reality of chores and school that normally fill their day-to-day lives. This is the way that I spent the majority of my time in the peaceful afternoons of the fall season. It was all about living in the moment-forgetting the past and the future for the time being and taking part in the activities that we as kids felt the greatest amount of joy performing aside from our normal routines. It was a life that was lived with no worries, no regrets, and no reconciliation of the moments which troubled our youth. This was the way that I was living before I experienced one life-changing moment, a second in time that would warp the way I view the circumstances around me forever.

The date was October 21, 2006, a Saturday that began the way any normal one would. I had just awoken from a deep, relaxing sleep, one that had revived me from the week of torment and stress felt at one of the most dreaded places in my life at the time, Harris County High School. I was off to experience a great day with some of my closest friends. My neighbor of eleven years had arranged a trip for several of us to partake in. We were headed to Lagrange, GA for the event referred to as "Judgment Journey". It was promised to be a heart-touching experience, but little did I know that it would be one that would mold my heart in a new way for the rest of my years to come. The time came, and we loaded into my neighbor's vehicle with her mother at the wheel. We were driven up the interstate to a church I had never seen before. It was a big place, filled with tons of kids my age accompanied by parents, family members, and ministers. This appeared to be a well known place that many others had heard about as well. We were given a card with our time slot written upon it-the time in which we were to proceed to what the greeters referred to as "the most moving and dramatic event of our lives thus far". Adults were warned against loud noises and suggestive themes that were to be portrayed in the walk, and asked to understand the possibilities of small children being frightened. This lecture made me tense up a bit for I had no idea what to expect from this whole ordeal. Our time finally came and my friends and I all linked arms as we headed outside. We proceeded through the walk, witnessing scenes of the Tribulation and what was to come of the world once Christ returned. Many of the stations scared me and my mind began to wander. Thoughts of being stuck in this entire situation as it became a reality protruded into my mind. I began to shiver with fear as we neared the end of our journey. The thirty minute walk had seemed like hours, but at last, we were seated under a covered pavilion in cold metal chairs to listen to a message that had been prepared for those who participated in Judgment Journey.

It was finally here, the moment that would be sure to change my life, a moment that would send me down a different path; a path of righteousness and courage. A cool, crisp breeze passed by face, causing my skin to tremble with chills. The speaker stated in a calm, compassionate voice that he didn't want any of us to be left behind when the time comes, and assured us that if we accepted the LORD as our savior that we would be spared from the end of world. I had always been an active member in my church but until this point, I had never truly understood what it meant to give your life to the Lord and undertake the new responsibilities that come with being a Christian. As the speaker gave us those words to pray softly to ourselves if we wanted to change our lives, I began to repeat after him. One word after another, tears began to stream down my face. My heart became filled with a new found glory. I clutched my hands tightly together and experienced a peace that had never come about me before this point. The saltiness of my tears reached my lips as my tongue wrapped itself around those few final words. A smile broke out onto my face as I concluded the prayer with "Amen". I had just received the greatest blessing known to man, one that was certain to bring about trials of temptation, anger, and testing but one that would result in the assurance of life everlasting in a world unexplainable for its incredible holiness. Never before had I felt so safe and secure from the world around me. A warmth came across my body and filled my lungs with a breath of fresh air unlike any other. It was as if I had been dead before this point but had just then had the breath of the Holy Spirit breathed into my lungs for the first time. The moment seemed to last a lifetime, and in reality, the commitment is one that will indeed last forever. I was a new person, a new being with a different path in life to partake in. I now understood the meaning of life and was able to truly begin to live.

The day came to a close and we all headed back to our homes. I sat in the back of the car, silent, pondering to myself about what I had just been a part of. One of the greatest events of my life had taken place and it was one that I had never seen coming. My life was changing, and a new door of opportunities had been opened for me. A smile once again gleamed from my face as I laid my head against the cold, glass window and drifted off to sleep.