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Posts by khaledition
Name: Khaled A.
Joined: Oct 22, 2017
Last Post: Oct 31, 2017
Threads: -
Posts: 5  
Likes: 2
From: Lala land

Displayed posts: 5
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khaledition   
Oct 31, 2017
Scholarship / The concept of leadership was first instilled in me during my undergraduate studies. [3]

@iceman2017
I think you need to go deeper in your presentation and find a really influencing moment where you put efforts to lead a team to an achievement. May be I couldn't get your point perfectly, but sending correspondence to change policies or conditions I would say doesn't necessarily translate into influencing leadership skills. Do you lead a team in your work? Do you work within a team? Did you manage to convince them before to take a step in the work that will positively impact your business after they were against it? This could be a concrete situation to showcase your personality. I hope this helps. All the best.
khaledition   
Oct 27, 2017
Scholarship / My long-term goals are based on the experience I am looking forward to gain - Chevening [5]

@Hadeer
Your overall essay is nice and covers all necessary points. You need to work more on how you begin paragraphs, the contributor above raised the same point "Do not start two successive paragraphs with the word "Further" that creates a redundancy. It creates reader boredom." I believe she didn't mean to change one of them, the 2 furthers should be developed, you already did one. I assume you can replace the second further with "Building on the results I get from my first goal, I plan to work .."

The first paragraph needs a better opening that "Although", if I were you would go this way > Egypt has a great architectural history and possesses excellent efficiency to teach modern architecture, but worryingly, the country is turning into an ugly cement jungle."

I hope this helps you. Good luck!
khaledition   
Oct 27, 2017
Scholarship / Leadership & Influence essay for Chevening - decision making in tough circumstances [5]

@sgassani
You highlighted a good example, but I personally felt that it lacks how you influenced your team to achieve the good results, I got that from the gap between your appointment as project leader and the results. How did you persuade your team? Gathering the team in meetings to be on the same page and get the job done does not necessarily translate into influencing so you I think need to come up with a better reference.

Appreciate your feedback on my essays. Good luck.
khaledition   
Oct 27, 2017
Scholarship / Examples of networking skills in my career so far [3]

@lymeq
Your essay is good in term of relating to networking in professional life, but I think it needs you to work more on how you developed and maintained your relationships with colleagues in the other hospitals to get the drug you didn't have, and in your renal department. Explain how did you work on that.

The last paragraph is weak, You need to explain how you hope to share this existing network with Chevening. Explain why you believe that your network is one that will withstand the test of time and also allow you to help the past and future Chevening scholars who are pharmacists as well.

A few amendments are below:
My first networking in career happen >> happened. if i were you I would rephrase it in this way >> My first career network was created/established on

My time with them has help me increase >> helped
Over the 3 years I've work with renal >> I would rephrase it to be >> Over a course of three years, I have worked with many colleagues in the renal.

Appreciate your time in reviewing my essays as well. Good luck!
khaledition   
Oct 24, 2017
Scholarship / Describing my leadership role at school and gained experience - Chevening Scholarship [6]

@dkirb
Daria, you need to write on your leadership and influence skills on a professional level since the school experience isn't Chevening target, the scholarship already requires minimum two years of experience so you should have something to say here. Perhaps a situation when you influenced your team to consider your suggestion/idea and it was of a benefit for everyone.
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